(MALEC) Wake up

Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry for the delayed update. Hopefuly from now on I will be quicker at updateing this story as I am on Summer leave and have finished Camp, I am also only working 2 days a week away from home for the next six weeks so I Have no excuse.

As always, I do not own Shadowhunters, the Mortal Instruments or any other associated works, they all belong to Cassandra Clare. The characters and world are not mine, I just used them and came up with the plot.

At some point Alec had fallen asleep. Adjusting to the unlit harshness of the dark, his eyes scanned the room around him before falling on the steadily breathing figure beside him. Alec had promised himself he would wait up for his boyfriend, yet here he lay, his warlock beside him with no recognition as to when he came in. Magnus' pink tipped hair lay curled on the silk pillow, the gell wearing fin as it moved back to its natural place. His hand was holding Alec's, long tan fingers intertwined his pale ones, adorned with all manner of jewelry in golds and silvers. Alec had wanted to wait up for Magnus so he could talk himself out of the predicament he was in, the look of disappointment of Magnus' face when the demon told Magnus about Alec's problem was scarred in his mind. Every time he closed his eyes he felt guilty for causing that anguished look. Time drew on and he cold night air nipped at Alec. His foughts came at him from all directions, stained with images of Jace's mortified face, and Izzy's tears. Jace believed Alec took the demon in out of self sacrifice and love for his brother. Yet that was so wrong, that thought never approached him. All he could think of was a way out. As Alec sat thinking he tried to reason with himself as to why he let himself be possessed, it wasn't like the demon in the institute, this time he had a choice.

The thought pondered in his head for a while, until he came to a disgraceful conclusion. Selfishness. He wanted to experience that darkness again, of not being in control. In that situation his choices affected no one, made no difference - any flaws he could pass off as the demon. He couldn't physically make his mistakes, someone else was at the wheel. This made him feel worse. Alec wanted this idea gone, he didn't want it any more. The self-condemning thoughts were morbid. His bones ached and his eyes watered; regretting all previous tries to come to terms with his actions, and the images they had left him with, he wanted to sleep. A few hours where it didn't matter, where this never happened. A few hours of bliss. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

He had lied to Magnus. He could remember all the demon had said, he was there, watching, yet he had told his friends he couldn't remember a thing. He was sure Magnus knew the truth, with all his powers and his heritage, Alec assumed he was an expert on the matter. Maybe he couldn't admit the demon was right. That it knew him better than he knew himself. It had never dawned on him before. What he did was self harm. It was an alien idea, one of something he had never associated with himself before. Alec didn't think he was suicidal, though, that was what the demon was edging towards. He lifted his sleeve subconsciously, and ran his hand up and down the scarred arm.

Breaking him from his thoughts he felt Magnus budge, wrapping himself more tightly into the silk covers he turned to face his partner. "Can't sleep?" Magnus asked, a smile not so great at covering the worry plastered across his face. Alec shook his head. "How about some jasmine tea? Imported straight from Chinese tea mastery houses, I heard it's great for sending you to the dreamland." Without waiting for a reply, Magnus slipped out of the sheets before bar-foot padding down the hallway in only his shorts.

He knew this as one of Magnus' special blends. It took a while to make so Magnus wouldn't return for a while. He sat in the bedroom alone. All of a sudden the darkness seemed to hit him. The silence screamed and the shadows stayed still. Nothing. No light, no movement, no noise. Alec lay in the bed as the cold crept up him. Straining to hear Magnus making the tea he sat forward, but to no avail. The curtains lay still, clothes lay draped over the ornate chair. The mirror stretched the room, causing it to double in size, enlarging the length as it covered the wall, reflecting the whole room again. The room seemed so big, so empty. Alce could see himself sitting, the bed in the center of the room. His skin looked awfully pale in the dark. Filled with a sudden need of air he got up, and quicker that he thought possible,and found refuge in the on-suite bathroom.