Surviving Litchfield

Chapter Twelve: Alone With My Thoughts

I was very startled the next morning when Alex ran into our bunk. My towel was in my hand and I was about to leave for a shower. Something about the expression on her face made me realize that something was wrong, so I dropped the towel and gave her my full attention.

"They just caught Nicky with fucking heroin." Alex practically yelled, grabbing my arm.

All of the color drained from my face. I was supposed to get rid of that later tonight. My heart began to race. What were they going to do with her? Were they planning on taking her away from me now?

Alex and I ran to the hallway outside of the bathroom. Two guards that I wasn't terribly familiar with were by her. One was holding the drugs and talking to her while the other stood close by. Before we got close enough, though, the guard with the drugs grabbed Nicky. They might not have been very close, but I still heard every word that erupted from his mouth.

"Nichols, you're going to max."

Everything became heavy. Nicky was leaving me. The five words circled my brain and I felt my heart beat faster than ever. This was the last moment I would have her in my sight.

I followed the two of them down the hallway. "Wait, let me talk to her! That's my girlfriend!"

"Back up, inmate."

I fought back tears as I continued walking behind them. "She's my girlfriend, I just need to speak to her!" I ran beside Nicky and tried to hug her to the best of my ability. It was hard to do, since she was being directed by the CO, but I managed.

"I love you, okay? I'm going to miss you so fucking much. I can't believe this is happening." I told her, my voice beginning to break halfway through. That's when I started sobbing.

"I told you I was a fuckup." Nicky said, trying not to cry as well. "But I love you, and I'm sorry."

"Okay inmate, you've had enough time, back up or you'll get a shot." The guard hissed.

I stopped walking alongside Nicky and allowed her to be taken away. When she was almost out of sight, She turned around quickly.

"Goodbye, kid." She said, just loud enough for me to hear her.

I had to try my hardest to not collapse on the floor in a pool of my own tears. The person I was closest with in this prison was going to be taken away from me forever. From all the stories I've heard, when you go to max, you don't come back. It's not like a temporary stay at the shu.

Alex hurried towards me and hugged me from behind. The embrace was extremely comforting and I almost didn't want her to let go of me. I turned around and noticed specks of water on her glasses. She had been crying as well.

"How did they find out that she had the drugs? Did they search her for some reason?" I asked, trying to catch my breath a little.

Alex shook her head and sighed. "They caught her taking them."

I felt my body tense up. She had promised me that she wouldn't take them anymore. Hell, I was supposed to get rid of them in less than 12 hours. I couldn't believe she lied to me like that. If she had just let me get rid of them last night, she would still be in this prison with me.

I explained all of this to Alex and she took a deep breath. She wrapped me in another brief hug. "I'm so sorry, I wish she had listened to you. I can't imagine how hard this is."

I pushed some hair out of my face and bit my lip, almost drawing blood. "Everything was going so well, and now I'm never going to be able to see her again."

Once I said that out loud, things became even more real. I wouldn't be able to kiss her ever again. I'd never hear her sarcastic comments or see her smirk. I'd never be able to feel her arms around me. The thing that hurt the most, though, was that I wouldn't have a future with her. This whole time, I had a plan that we would live together once she got out of prison. I never should've gotten my hopes up.