Gay Rivalry Ship One-Offs

How Does Kissing Work? (Batjokes)

Description:

Basically this is based on the idea that Legos have painted on mouths and plastic hair/masks, so it would be hard to kiss.

Genre: Literally a joke. Silliness is ahead.

Joker and Batman ran into each other on a rooftop. Usually, they would then start fighting, but tonight was different. They weren't in the mood for fighting. In fact, Joker had been searching through the city all night to find Batman. He needed to tell Batman something that had been on his mind since the day that they had confessed their feelings in front of that sunset. Joker played off the run-in as a coincidence and nervously greeted Batman, who was pretty confused. Then, Joker took a deep breath and decided to let out his feelings.

"Batman, we've been enemies for a long time now, and I was wondering if you, um, want to become something... more?" Joker asked anxiously.

"Really?" Batman asked, his cheeks reddening under his mask.

"Yeah. You must be super angry, but I needed to get it off my chest."

"....Joker."

"Yes, Batman?"

"I think I feel the same way."

"You do?!"

"Well, yeah. You're funny, cute, and I can't go an hour without thinking about you. If that doesn't say that I like you, then I don't know what does."

Joker's eyes lit up. The two placed their claw hands in the other's and spun around with joy. They both laughed to themselves with glee. Who knew that after all of this time of hiding their feelings, all they needed to do was be honest? It was a perfect moment in every way possible. All that was missing was a dramatic first kiss. The two leaned in, their lips preparing for the embrace. They were millimeters away from each other when-

Clink.

Batman's cowl and Joker's hair collided into each other. They both tried to kiss again, but the same thing happened. In a furious attempt to kiss, the two started to smack their heads against each other. After a while of that, Joker had to rub his head because it was starting to hurt. If they kept at that for any longer, chances were that one of them would end up with a dent of some sort. Batman started to consider how else they could get this to work. He decided to share one of his ideas with Joker.

"Maybe we should consider another option for how to proceed with this. Maybe we could tilt our bodies 45 degrees?" Batman suggested.

"Wouldn't we just fall over? Maybe we could take off our hair and/or mask," Joker offered.

"No! If I take off my mask, my secret identity will be revealed!"

"And that matters why?"

"Because you're not supposed to know my secret identity!"

"Why not? Don't you usually tell people you have the hots for your secret identity?"

"Well, they're not my enemy."

"You told Catwoman, didn't you?"

"She's different."

"I see, you only tell hot people your secret identity! Does that mean I'm not hot enough for you?"

"How did we even get to this topic?"

"You're right, we should keep the most important goal the main subject."

"Good, so I'll pick you up and rotate you so that we can kiss."

"What? Why don't I get to hold you up?"

"Go ahead and try, Joker."

Joker placed his claw hands around Batman's arms and tried to pick Batman up. After a long, long time of trying, he gave up. He placed his hands on his knees and began to take deep breaths. Batman crossed his arms in an "I told you so" type of way. Joker wondered how crossing his arms was something that was apparently simple, while kissing was the equivalent of crossing a tightrope blindfolded or jumping jacks.

"Tell you what, how about I close my eyes while we kiss while you take off your mask. Regular people kiss with their eyes closed anyway," Joker suggested.

"How do I know I can trust you?"

"I'm not crossing my fingers behind my back, am I?"

"That's because it's impossible to cross your fingers."

"You got me there, but people who love each other don't betray each other, now do they?"

"There's probably some neutered dog out there who would disagree."

"Okay, I get it! How about to show my honesty, you wrap your cape around my eyes?"

"....Fine," Batman said before taking off his cape. Joker excitedly took off his lustrous hair and Batman tried to wrap the cape around Joker's eyes. It wasn't working when he did it fat like a burger, so he ended up doing it long like a hot dog. Then, Batman took in a long breath and took off his cowl. Bruce Wayne's face came into view for the world to see. Well, the world would see if the two lovebirds weren't on a very high rooftop where no one could see them. Bruce remembered that he still had hair as Bruce Wayne, so he took off the hairpiece. Since some of the cape had ended up in Joker's mouth, Bruce lifted the cape to finally get the first kiss.

It worked. The two shared a passionate kiss atop the rooftop. A robber, who was running across the rooftops to escape the cops, ran across the two. After that, he slowly turned around, only to be tranquilized by the cops, who had seen enough weird stuff to accept Joker and Batman. When the two finished their kiss, Bruce put his hair and his cowl back on. He took the cape off of Joker's eyes. The clown blew him one last kiss before skipping away. Batman smiled at the clown, admiring his cuteness and his easily achieved joy. He looked down at the cape and grimaced. Since Joker had had the cape in his mouth, some of his lipstick had gotten onto it.

"Damn, I mean dang," Batman corrected himself before making a dramatic exit.