Her Wish

Her Wish [Chapter 34]

Jennie’s immediate thought had been to find Danny and apologize, to plead for his forgiveness because he’d been correct, because Jennie shouldn’t have accused him of lying. An instantaneous feeling of guilt settled upon her, weighing Jennie’s thoughts and overpowering any other emotion that may have been coexisted with it at the time.

But once rationalization settled in, all thoughts of doing so were lost. After all, hadn’t she already known that there was no way Danny would draw a lie about something as grave as that? Had she not already accepted the ulterior motives of George the moment Danny had spoken of them?

Only a sparse section of her had desperately clung to the belief in George’s innocence, pleading for her one last acquaintance that she had left.

It wouldn’t be fair to go running back to Danny now. Jennie was alone and perhaps it was all for the better. Everyone else would finally be happy this way. As much reassurance as it seemed to provide her, Jennie knew better than to fool herself into believing that she could continue to rely on others.

Maybe she was just meant to be alone.

It was about time that she began to realize that she could depend on no one. They all ended up leaving anyways. Every new acceptance into her life had proved to be anything but beneficial, only causing even more pain and hardships in the end. She’d been a fool to believe that they could prove her cynical thoughts otherwise.

But Danny was different; a small voice insisted on reminding her, successfully throwing Jennie into a welter all over again, Danny brought happiness as well.

The thought was enough to shake her insides whole, being forced to conjure those all-too-familiar thoughts about what could have been, about everything Danny had done for her life before stepping back and tearing it to pieces.

Jennie ceased walking, her footsteps slowing to a stop in the middle of the hallway for no reason in particular. She drew in a shaky breath, her lower lip trembling only slightly as she did so. It was the only outward sign of emotion that Jennie allowed herself to portray to others, the only indication of even just a hint of what she was feeling inside.

Jennie was simply torn. She was divided between running back to Danny and setting things right once more and doing nothing, merely standing aside and watching as her life only continued to crumble before her eyes.

When options were laid out so plain and simple, the answer seemed obvious. But it wasn’t. Because returning to Danny would make her no better than he had been, only wishing to enter his life on her own demand, with full expectations that whenever she was ready, he would be too.

She didn’t want Danny to view himself as a fallback; a person merely there to catch her fall as soon as she’d discovered the truth about George. It wouldn’t be fair, and above all, it was entirely untrue.

For the first time ever, Jennie was being forced to realize that she was completely, entirely alone. There was no longer any person to stand by her, with underlying intentions or not, anymore. She now acknowledged that there were only her, her thoughts, and her torn emotions.

It took all of her restraint to keep herself from turning back to Danny. The logical part of her so desperately wished to do so, but as always, the hesitant, prideful, and pretentious side of her held her back from doing so.

What if he doesn’t accept you? What if he just rejects you? What if he doesn’t care? What if he thinks you’re using him?

There were so many precautions that could be taken, so many hurts that could be avoided. The jaded part in Jennie recognized that, shied away from it, avoided all the extra drama that might be created.