Dear Ryder

Letter 2

Dear Ryder,

Why am I thinking about you when you are not thinking about me?

When I was younger, my mom asked me what I wanted to be when I was older. At that time, I'd replied that I'd wanted to be independent.

But here I am, seven years later, wide awake at 2am; staring at my shaking hands and wondering how in this small fraction of time you ripped me apart and made me so weak.

I hardly ever cry, only you make me weak enough to cry. I need you.

It's hard. Everything is wrong and everything is right when I'm with you. You make my heart race and my hands shake.

I'm just scrared that you'll be the story I'll tell my daughter in the future; when she's not eaten anything and it's late and all she can do is bury her head in her pillow and cry. I'm scared that you'll be the story that I'll tell her when she's too heartbroken to do anything else, and I'll take her head on my lap and stroke her hair and tell her about the boy in my class, the boy whose voice made my heart flutter,the boy whom I fell in love with, the boy who made me laugh, the boy who made me cry, the boy who finally broke my heart.

I don't want you to be that story.

But when did things ever go the way I want them to?

Trusting you came naturally to me. I do it without thinking. I pretend that it meant nothing to me when in reality, I would give up everything for you. But giving up everything meant that I had nothing left for myself. I was sad and broken and empty; because I felt whole with you, but you felt whole with her.

I'm sitting here right now and the room is dark and I'm shaking and I'm wondering why I can't be good enough for you; why I can't make you happy the way she makes you happy.

I can't let you go. I just can't. I want to, trust me, it doesn't make me happy getting hurt over and over again. But you can't even look at me, and all I can see is you. I've got you down, and you don't even know where I start.

They say it's a bad habit. They say it's a bad habit loving someone you can't have, because it'll only break you. And they also say that it takes 14 days to break a bad habit.

But its been 62 days I've been trying to get you out of my mind and you're still the first thing I think about before I go to sleep and you're still the first thing I think about when I wake up.

What kind of a bad habit is this?

Yours, Brooklyn

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A/N: It's so late but.... Second chapter's up! What do you guys think? Don't forget to vote and comment.

Bye for now!

xx Brooke