A Life Through Different Eyes.

Take It All In

On the outside I'm just another teenage girl who's tall, with brown eyes, dark brown hair, and a milk chocolate skin tone. If you look under my clothes you'll see the scars and the most disgusting body ever. But on the inside, I'm in distress, and feel dejected. My name is Natalia, I am 15 years old and I already tried to kill myself thrice.

My mother was supposedly raped at the age of twelve, and had me a month after her 13th birthday she had one of the most ugliest babies in the world...me. She found out that she was pregnant when I was already 6 months in her uterus. She would always tell me that she should've got an abortion whenever I get in trouble. She's very over protective because she doesn't want me to end up like her. She didn't really have a father in her life and its the same today. Is it bad that I don't love her? I like her a lot, just not love, I shouldn't even say that I like her, I just like that she buys me shit. But the thing is that if anything happened to her I think I would totally breakdown. In a way I am sort of abused, but it could be worse. One time she beat me so bad that I started to bleed and she said "good for you, you ungrateful little bitch!" I don't even remember why she hit me.

I love my father, but I think I only stay that, because he's barely in my life and made fewer mistakes than my mother, and spoils me for not being in my life, which isn't really fair, a very good friend of mine told me that. The first time I saw my father I was 4 years old...I think I don't even remember. After that I was ten, but this time I got to go to California to his house for the first time. Him and my mother eased up on each other a little, because they didn't want to get me involved I guess, but what they didn't know is that I already was. The last time I saw my father was in the summer of 2012. He asked me if I wanted to move in with him since he knows what I go through at home too an extent, but I wasn't sure.

In 2009, I got my very first siblings and stepmother. My Dad got married to a woman named Anna and I didn't even get to go to the wedding because of my mother. They had a daughter together named Nia and two years later had another daughter named Kristina. My mother and her current ex-boyfriend had a son named Nathaniel. (I got to name him.) I'm the oldest of course and the only child between my mother and father.