A Life Through Different Eyes.

Regretful Memoiries

          So I'm walking down my old street, that I used to live on, and guess who I see? "Fuck" I say under my breath. It's my ex-boyfriend Zac, seeing him is like seeing a pool of regretful memories. Zac has dreads, brown eyes, he's tall, and very muscular, I really liked him. "Hey Natalia" he says surprisingly cheerfully, "Hey" I say confused, "Are you busy later?", "Yeah actually I have to go pick up my brother from school, maybe next time", I lied.

          We both met through our mothers. Both of our mothers grew up together and wanted their children to be best friends just like them. He's actually the only boy my mother allows me to talk to. Even though I still talk to any boy I want to.

          I remember he gave me the most regretful day of my life, well I kind of have it to myself to blame also. I was 13 and he was 15 on Thanksgiving of 2012. His mom invited my mom and I over for Thanksgiving dinner. After we ate we decided to go up to his room and play on his PlayStation since it was basically all grown ups downstairs, plus the other kids were really young. While I'm playing GTA4 (Grand Theft Auto 4) out of no where he just pops out asking, "Do you want to do it?", "Do what?" I said frightened, "Have sex dummy" he said laughing, "I don't think I'm ready yet", "But come on we grew up together, we are like young soul mates", "Not really, but let me think about it".

          (An hour later) "Ok I'll do it" I said shaky, "You sure?", "Yeah, I'm ready". We started off kissing then I stopped and he told me "just take a deep breath", so I did and we continued. We were about half naked when my mother knocked on the door, we jumped, she asked if I was ok, "yes mom I'm fine" I said terrified that she might walk in. "Ok, do you mind if we stay the night? I don't feel like driving after drinking so much", "Ok, I understand mom it's ok". After that aghast scene I told him that I didn't want to take the chance of us getting caught, so I just texted my friends for the rest of the night not telling them a thing about what just happened, not even my best friend.

          Ever since that day, I've been depressed, my mom still thinks I'm a virgin, even though she took me to the OBGYN twice, and I wanted to kill myself for allowing myself to fall into his trap and be exactly the slut my mother was. We broke up about 2 months after that day (yes we were together), because that's the only thing that he would ever ask me for. He clearly only wanted me for sex. I felt unwanted, used, and suicidal. That was the first time I ever cut myself.