Not A Bad Thing || Captain America/Steve Rogers [COMPLETED/BEING EDITED]

Chapter 41: Confide

It's been three weeks since I've been rescued.

When I first woke up in the hospital, I had a cast on my right arm and miles of bandages wrapped around my body. Even around my face, thanks to broken eye sockets and shattered cheekbones.

I had to stay for a few days just so that the doctors could monitor my progress. They were afraid of some sort of development that would jeopardize my life.

The team came to visit, even Thor. They each asked about what had happened, but after a while I grew tired of answering. I couldn't blame them for their curiosity, but all I wanted was to move on from it all.

I didn't like to revisit the past, and my capture was a door that I wanted to remain closed. 

Upon getting home, all I did was sleep, eat, shower, and watch re-runs. I was unusually quiet, which nagged at Steve immensely. 

You'd think that I'd want to be closer to him after all that I went through, but I didn't. We spent nights facing away from each other, and shared only small talk during the days. 

Other than that, I was wrapped up in blankets and staring blankly at the television. It wasn't ideal for the both of us, but I just felt the need to be alone. I felt trapped in that room still yet, even though I was a long way from there. 

Steve walked back into the apartment, lugging groceries with him. Bucky shortly followed. 

The Winter Soldier was staying with us until he could get his own apartment. I wasn't against it at all, but at times I wished that I could sleep on the couch at night instead of him.

"Hey, Ky," the two men called out as they walked in. 

I shot my hand up and waved, my mouth glued shut. Steve sighed, but continued to put away what he had bought. 

When he finished, Steve went into the bedroom while Bucky sat on the recliner next to me. We did this often. He'd sit there in silence, mostly out of guilt. He knew the people that did this, and was ashamed for ever being a part of it. 

I reminded him at least once everyday that it wasn't his fault. He was under their control, and he couldn't do anything about it. That was pretty much the extent of my interactions with him. He wasn't very chatty either, so I was relieved. 

"You should talk to him," Bucky spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. 

I tore my eyes away from the screen and moved my gaze to him, blinking a few times before answering. 

"I'm not in the mood to talk about it."

"You should. He's the man that you love. And frankly, he's miserable. You didn't come back the same."

I nodded. "I know. How can you, after all of that? Those images just keep replaying over and over again. It's not supposed to have this affect on me, but it does."

"You're not an assassin anymore. You have emotions."

"Still doesn't explain why it's haunting me."

"Why wouldn't it haunt anyone? What Hydra did to me? It's still the setting for my nightmares," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "All I could do was talk to someone. I've been talking to Steve and it helps, you know?"

"I don't want to burden him with it all," I explained, hiding my face in shame.

Bucky scoffed. "Come on, Ky. You're supposed to share your burdens with him. What's a relationship if you can't share your troubles?"

"You're the last person that should be telling me this," I groaned. 

"Is it because I was a total chick magnet who couldn't keep up a relationship or an infamous killer?" 

I pondered for a bit. "Both."

He rolled his eyes and laughed along with me.

"Seriously, go talk to him," he urged, pulling me out of my seat. He led me to the door before giving me one last pep talk. "He loves you. You'll never be a burden to him. Now go get him, tiger."

It was weird to think that just a few months ago, he was a mindless zombie who nearly killed my boyfriend. Now, he's someone I can confide in.

After taking in a deep breath, I entered the bedroom. Steve laid on the bed, flipping through channels. As soon as he laid eyes on me, he turned the television off. 

"Hey, you," he half-smiled. His eyes glazed over with curiosity as I laid at his side. "Are you okay? Stupid question. I'm sorry."

"No, it's not. I guess it was time for me to talk to you," I stammered. "I'm not doing okay. I'm trying to, but it's incredibly difficult."

"And it's alright to feel that way. If you weren't at all affected by it, I'd think that there was something incredibly wrong."

"I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you for the past few weeks. I just didn't want to be a bother."

He opened up his arms, which I gladly moved between. He placed a kiss on my forehead and told me, "You'll never be a bother, love. I knew it would be a matter of time before you would talk to me."

"I just can't get it out of my head. I can still hear my bones cracking, the punches landing on me, even the sounds of those needles piercing through my flesh. It's on a never ending loop. I close my eyes, and I'm in that room. That man is smiling in my face and I can feel his hands touching my face. It's traumatizing."

Steve instinctively pulled me closer as I talked. He listened to every word I uttered and didn't speak until I got everything off of my chest. 

He told me that I was the strongest woman he'd ever met, and he was proud to have someone like me. 

"No one's going to look at you differently for being affected like this. It's perfectly understandable. And you have an amazing support system to help you get through this. You have me, Nat, Tony, and Sam. Hell, you even have Bucky!"

A quiet giggle escaped my lips as I said, "Yeah. He's the expert on Hydra torture."

"See? We're all here for you. Don't be afraid to talk to me anymore," he responded. 

"I won't. Thank you. I love you," I smiled, giving him a small squeeze.

"And I love you."

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sorry it's shorter than usual

just a lil appreciation note for you lovely readers: thank you if you made it this far, especially because i've been gone from writing a lot for the past 3/4 years haha yikes but i promise to be more dedicated to my books