Diary of a Poet

Entry 2

Running away doesn't always indicate that you are giving up. Sometimes, it's the only choice you've got.

*****

Life is always hard. You'll be fooling yourself if you didn't agree.

Well, as for me, I agree. But the only difference is that it became a daily routine in my life. It's not even exciting just because of the "obstacles" I need to face. Actually, it's boring. It's tiresome. It's never ending.

Apart from it, I just want it to stop. I want it to end. Giving up? Nah. I just want some rest from all the turmoil I've been. I want to turn around whenever I face an obstacle. It's not particularly running away. It's simply knowing that you can't handle any hardships anymore.

I want it to restart. To start all over again. Even if i start from a scratch, it's better than having to face it all over again. I want it to be a new form of kind of life. My life. That's why I'm choosing different path. To turn my back to those old ones and to face another.

It's cowardly. I know. I don't have guts anymore. And in the first place, they were also the reason why I chose to runaway. They make me made that choice. They make me choose it.

What option do I have if, in the first place, they leave me no choice? It's not cowardly, it's obeying what they want. Why? It's what they want. It's what will satisfy them.

But in the other hand, the reason is I don't want to disappoint them. My life has been full of disappointments, that's why I don't need to add another one. I don't want to add another one.

They said that all I just need is  to prove them wrong. To prove myself of any accussations. That I can also do what others can do. That I can do what they don't expect me to do.

But, what does it gives me? What good will it do to me? What benefit will I get? I'll just get a full of pains. Full of nagging. Full of another disappointments. And if I did something wrong, all blames are on me. Well, in the first place, all blames are always on me.

It's funny how hard they try to give me an option but actually, they want me to pursue the choice they wanted for me. I'm left with no choice. I'm left with nothing but to choose what they actually wanted.