conversations with

twenty-six

Do you know your appearance does something to me? Sometimes you shouldn't smile to me when we have random eye contacts, you shouldn't reply to my messages if you don't wish to. Yes I do like you and it doesn't matter because we don't even talk in the first place, we're not friends, we're just strangers who see each other everyday. I tried my best to start the conversation hoping you'll continue it but you didn't, you just replied me and left it there and I had to pick it and try every possible way to start the engine again. It feels too one-sided and my head hurts from all this. I know you might feel awkward around me from now on but that doesn't matter because I'm the one who confessed, I should be the one who's suppose to feel uncomfortable around you. I don't need to be sad that I'm not in the same group as you for some project because there's another girl who's glad to have you and she's not the girl we're all talking about, one who sits in front of you and tries to talk to you too. I said she's a little desperate but am I not worse? I'm one of the fews who knows your phone number because you changed it, don't ask me how I got it. Honestly, I have no clue. I deleted your number and our chats but I screenshotted the chats and send it to my best friend, meaning I can just open it and volia it's there. I liked how I said " Hello bullshit here " and you said " Hello bullshit, I'm asshole " and that's gross but cute in some ways some people don't see. And the " Yeah yeah go to sleep " maybe because you want me to rest because I said I have to wake up early in the mornings the next day. So what if you liked me, ( firstly that's not gonna happen ) but I promised myself I wouldn't date until I'm 18. I wanna date yet I can't, maybe I might date you some days, just some day.

draft 25 September 2016