Don't Make Me Love You

Chapter 19

My head was in the clouds the next morning as I made my way to school. Bobby was talking to me about something, an upcoming exam, I think, but I only heard half of what he was saying. I was just so... annoyed? Frustrated? I couldn't place my finger on what I was feeling. I just knew it wasn't what I wanted to be feeling. Unfortunately, I didn't exactly know how to get rid of it. Every time I thought of Brandon, or the way he walked, or his face... or his scent... No! Every time I thought of Brandon I felt this weird churning in my stomach that just wouldn't go away. It was getting on my nerves. This wasn't supposed to happen like this. This wasn't how I was suppose to feel. ...Was it?

It was only when Bobby began snapping his fingers in front of my face impatiently that I came back down to earth. "Max. Hello, Max, are we having a conversation or am I?" 

I blinked and turned to him. "Sorry, what was that?"

He was frowning at me. "I was asking if you wanted to study together later. You know, after school? The real time for spacing out?" he asked.

Finally realizing what he meant, I looked away with a frown. "Sorry."

Noticing my obvious lack of jokes, he stopped walking and grabbed my arm. We were just outside the school gates. "What's up with you? You've been flaky all morning," he said. "Did something happen?"

I hesitated. Bobby saw this was pulled me aside so that other students entering school wouldn't hear us. "Did something happen at home?" he asked.

I shook my head and glanced towards the gates. "It's not that..." I sighed. It really wasn't that, what it was, was much worse. "Can't we talk about this later?"

Bobby looked worried, but after a pleading look from me he dropped the subject and we headed into school. It would've been an okay day if I didn't share any classes with Brandon, but that was, unfortunately, not the case. We shared a couple, during which I could feel his eyes on me the whole time. I tried a half-ass smile in hopes of satisfying him, but that only seemed to make matters worse. After that, I just ignored his stares and attempted waves of greeting.

It was around lunchtime, as I sat at a lonely table in the corner, that he actually confronted me physically though. I was chewing distantly on a carrot when he sat down across from me, looking worried. I sat up straighter in my chair, glancing around to make sure Bobby wasn't nearby. "Brandon..."

"Is everything okay?" he asked right off the bat.

I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat at hearing his voice and dropped my eyes. "Of course," I mumbled, trying to the best of my abilities to sound sincere. "Why do ask...?"

The look of disappointment that crossed his face at my tone of voice was evident and I tired not to look at it for fear I may succumb to whatever weird tactic he was using. He was quiet for a moment before he asked with genuine concern, "Did I do something to upset you?"

"No," I snapped before I could stop myself. Then, because he looked really confused, I said with more control, "No. I've just had a headache all morning. It's been making class hard to focus on and we have that exam coming up soon so I don't want to miss any notes."

He looked surprised and somewhat relieved to hear that, relaxing in his seat. "Oh," he said. I hoped that was the end of the conversation, but apparently not. "If it would help, you're welcome to borrow my notes," he offered.

Blinking in mild surprise, I stared at him. "Don't you need them to study?" I asked.

"Yeah, but I don't mind if you copy them." He paused. "Or, if it's alright with you, we could study together."