July 7th

May 5

I managed to sneak out again, and I was smoking a cigarette, Mika sitting across from me. "You're awful quiet today." I muttered. "I'm always quiet." She retorted. "Yeah, but you're even quieter than usual. What's up?" I persisted. She sighed. "I'm just thinking about some stupid guy." This caught me off guard, and I nearly dropped my cigarette. "Who?" I asked. "You probably don't know him, but he's in my gym class, and he's pretty cute, I guess." She sighed, not even looking at me. I tossed my cigarette carelessly to the side, and pulled out a silver flask. It was my father's, but I'd stolen it, and he hadn't seemed to notice. I took a long few gulps of the whiskey, and wiped my lips with my sleeve. "Huh." I shrugged. "Whatever." I sat down, lifting my head up to look at the sky. Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. I poured the rest of the whiskey on my head, my face, my legs, my torso, then pulled out my lighter. It flickered a few times as I tried to get control of my shaking hands. Mika must've heard, and turned around, grabbing the lighter from my hands. I laughed as tears streamed down my face. "Just. . . just let me die. Please." I continued laughing, the darkness and despair ultimately consuming me in that moment. Mika threw the lighter several feet away, and leaned forwards to hug me. I could hear feel her soft tear soak into my shirt along with the whiskey, and I hugged her in return, my laughs turning into sobs. "Mika, I-I can't do this. It's too hard. It's killing me already. I just want to die." I couldn't stop the tears. I tried, but with little success. I gave in, and sat there, crying in Mika's arms. How pathetic.