July 7th

May 16

Me and Mika still hung out occasionally, but I knew she despised it. It became more and more obvious the more I paid attention. She was sitting right next to me in the dark alley.  "Why'd you stop me?" I asked, glaring at her. "What?" She asked, looking over at me. "From killing myself. Why not just let me? It's not like you actually consider me a friend, right? So, why?'d you take the lighter from me?" I growled. "What are you talking about? Of course I consider you a friend!" She said. "You were my only friend."

"So, now that you've found people better than me, you're just going to abandon me, is that right?" I asked. 

"No, you're still one of my best friends." She replied. I knew better. Her eyes betrayed her. I could tell all I needed to know by looking at them. She was afraid to tell me the truth. I felt the corners of my mouth lift into a slight smile. "Liar." I said. "Why do you seem so nervous?" 

She looked away from me, her face the faintest shade of pink. "You're scared of me too." I continued. "I thought you weren't, because you were talking to me, but, you kept talking to me, not because you wanted to, but because you were scared." 

"Shut up." I heard her mutter. I scoffed, looking up at the sky. "And I thought someone, for once, wasn't against me." At this point, I was more or less talking to myself rather than Mika. "I said shut up." Mika repeated. I turned my head back to her. "Just admit it. Just say it. Say that you fucking hate m-" I was caught off guard, because, in a split second, Mika had gotten up, and her lips were pressed against mine. I shoved her away, a bit harder than I meant to. "What the fuck?!" I yelled, instinctively raising a hand to cover my lips. Her eyes were full of shock for a second, but the shock was soon replaced with sadness. "You. . . Wait. . . " I was almost too shocked to speak. "That's why you seemed nervous around me?" I asked, finally. She'd finally processed what'd happened, and had sat up. She nodded and looked down at the ground, a few feet away. I felt my face grow warm, and I realized I was blushing. What the hell? Why am I blushing? This isn't right. I can't like her. I can't get attached. A million protesting thoughts popped into my head, and I tried to control myself, but I couldn't say that I hadn't enjoyed the kiss, however brief. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to kiss her again, and the more I felt myself blush. "Mika. . . " I finally said. She looked up, signifying that she was listening. I leaned forward a bit, and we locked lips. I didn't care what was happening in my life. I didn't care if she hated me. I liked this too much. Her lips were soft, and I could taste the raspberry lip gloss on them. I leaned into the kiss, wanting more. I never wanted this to stop, but after a while, it did. I sighed as she pulled away. Neither of us spoke for a short time, and there was an awkward silence. "I have to get home." Mika said, standing up. I felt her weight lift off of me. I nodded, still sitting. "Alright. Meet me here tomorrow, 5:00?" I suggested. "Yeah, sure." She said, walking off into the distance.