Lucidity

Fourteen

I felt extremely nervous as we boarded the plane to London. Part of me didn't want to go. I didn't want Harry to be upset at me.

I should be the one mad; he didn't believe me. I still kept thinking about what happened over and over again. Replaying the scenerio wasn't doing me any good.

"(Y/n), are you okay?" Torrance asked me when we were about to take off.

I nodded, "I'm just nervous."

"It's going to be okay." She reassured me. I was thankful to have Torrance. I felt badly about the things I thought about her when we first met. She grew on me. She was one of the closest friends I've ever had.

The place took off and I looked out of the window. The next thing I knew, I dozed off.

Torrance was shaking my shoulder, "Wake up, (y/n). They're passing out food."

I sat up in my seat as the stewardess gave Torrance and I our food.

"I can tell you are nervous." Torrance said as we ate.

"I just don't want to show up and have him close the door on my face." I mumbled.

"He wouldn't do that." She defended him.

I scoffed, "He left me alone in an alley, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind leaving me standing at his doorstep too."

Torrance didn't say anything else. For the rest of the flight, I spent it listening to music. I listened to The 1975, hoping that it would distract me.

I concentrated on the lyrics, the melodies, the beat. I didn't want to think of what I was about to do.

When we landed, surprisingly I felt an ease come over my body. I felt like I was home. I really did miss being here in London.

I missed my parents and Drake. I didn't even let them know I was coming. Looks like I was surprising more than one person today.

Torrance and I got off the plane and went to luggage to grab our stuff. I felt nerves fill my body all over again when we got into a taxi. I gave the driver my address and we were off. I didn't let myself think about the last time I was at the airport.

When we arrived at my house, I saw both of my parents cars were there. We got out and I paid the driver since Torrance obviously didn't know anything about the currency.

I rang the doorbell and my mom opened the door.

"(Y/n)!" She exclaimed as she pulled me into a hug.

I missed her warm embrace.

"Honey, (y/n) is here!" My mom called out to my dad.

"There is my sweetheart." My dad gave me a huge hug.

"This is my friend, Torrance." I introduced them when all of the hugs were over.

"It's nice to meet you, Torrance. Come in, I'll make you guys some hot chocolate." My mom smiled. My dad helped us with our luggage and we all went into the kitchen. I told my parents that I was getting homesick and Torrance offered to come with me.

"Have you seen Harry yet?" My mom asked me.

"Actually, this was our first stop. (Y/n), really wanted to see you guys." Torrance said.

I nodded, "Is Drake coming over any time soon?"

"Yeah, I texted him a while ago saying you were here. He said he'll be here for dinner." My dad announced.

"I think I'm going to go see Harry before then." I told them.

Torrance gave me an encouraging smile, "I'll wait here. I need to do some freshening up."

My dad let me borrow his car. I gave them each another hug before I left. When I got to Harry's flat, I sat in the car for ten minutes contemplating if I should go up or not.

I took a deep breath and got out of the car. I went inside and got in an elevator. I felt like my heart was going to break out of my chest. When the elevator opened on his floor, I thought I was going to faint.

I went right up to his door and knocked. I thought he wasn't there. But then he opened the door. I saw bags under his eyes and his hair was a mess.

"(Y/n)?" He breathed out.

"Hi." I waved my hand. I didn't really know what else to do.

"What-- what are you doing here?" Harry asked me as he opened the door so I could come in. His windows were barely opened leaving little light in. His flat wasn't as clean as it usually is.

"I couldn't leave things the way they were." I mumbled.

"I didn't mean to walk away from you, I just-- seeing you kiss him made me go insane inside." Harry told me.

I stopped, "I didn't kiss him. How many times do I have to say that he forced himself on me before you realize it?!"

"I know what I saw."

"No, you don't! Harry, how could you think that I would do that to you? You really think I'm that heartless? After everything, you think I would do that to you?" I asked him.

Harry looked down at the floor.

"You know, Harry, I just traveled all this way to try to convince you that I didn't kiss Cam. He kissed me. Would I have traveled here if I was actually guilty?"

Harry still didn't respond.

"After everything you put me through before, I forgave you. Now, I'm starting to think I wasted my time." I told him. The words just flowing out of my mouth.

I walked to the door. I expected him to tell me to stay, but he didn't speak.

"Have a nice life, Harry." I said before I left.

When the door closed, I knew then it was over. I came all this way to get my heart broken even more. I felt numb all over. When I got into my car, I sat there for a while reflecting on what happened.

Harry Styles was my first real love and now my first real heartbreak.

I didn't put on the radio as I made my way home. I didn't want to hear his voice.

The red light I was at seemed like it was taking forever. I didn't allow myself to cry. I knew the tears would fall soon, but I wanted it to be tonight when I was alway from everyone else.

My phone started ringing in my purse. I reached to grab it and I was surprised to see Harry's name.

"Hello?" I answered.

"(Y/n), is there any way you could come back? I was dumb and---."

The light turned green so I pressed on the gas.

All that happened next was a blur. I saw headlights to my left. I felt impact.

The last thing I remember was hearing broken glass, my screams and Harry frantically yelling my name.

Then darkness.