Lucidity

Twenty Two

"(Y/n), it's me. I uh I've been thinking a lot about something. About us actually. I don't think it's working out. It's been way harder than I thought it would be. We haven't been talking much and I know it's effecting you too. Maybe it's easier for us to be apart. I'm sorry."

I listened to the voicemail once more before I shut it off. I sat in Harry's bed wondering when he left me that message.

I couldn't remember.

Harry broke up with me over a voicemail.

Who does that?

I placed my head in my hands and tried to think.

I didn't realize that I was sitting there that long until I heard the door open. Harry was back.

I heard his footsteps in the hallway and I looked up as he walked in.

"You weren't lying when you said you wouldn't move." He chuckled.

I didn't say anything. I looked at my phone in my hands.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked me as he sat on the bed in front of me.

I played the voicemail for him. He realized what it was and I noticed his face paled.

When the message was over, he looked down at his hands.

"When was this?" I asked him.

"It was shortly after you left for New York." He muttered.

"So you thought it would be okay to break up with me on a voicemail?" As the words came out of my mouth, I realized how terrible that was.

"We already talked about this, (y/n)."

"Yeah, well I can't remember." I said sarcastically.

"You forgave me already."

"How am I supposed I know that? What else are you hiding from me, Harry? You didn't tell me about that stupid bet, what really happened when I got in the accident and now this! You don't want me to hate you all over again, but it's hard not to!" I yelled.

I stood up and started to grab my things, but Harry grabbed my arm.

I jerked it away from him.

"I don't want you to leave me! I don't want you to leave angry again." Harry told me.

I couldn't even look at him. My head was starting to ache because of all of this. Harry was just trying to make himself look good.

He was scared to tell me the truth.

"You don't want to live with the guilt of my accident." I spat out.

"I know that if I wasn't a jerk that day you wouldn't have gotten hurt. I have been feeling bad about it since it happened! I just don't want you to walk out on me again, (y/n)." Harry pleaded with me.

I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath.

"Harry, I can't be around you right now. I need to go." I told him.

"Please, don't leave me," he came and pulled me into his arms, "I'm not strong enough without you. I need you."

I felt his body shake a little as he held onto me.

"I need time to think, Harry." I moved away from him. His eyes were watery.

He took a step away from me as I put on my shoes and jacket. I could feel his eyes on me.

"Do you want me to give you a ride?" He asked me.

I shook my head but didn't look at him, "I would rather walk."

I left the room and I heard him follow me.

"Can I come over later?"

He obviously didn't know what I meant when I said I needed time.

"I don't think it would be right if you did." I said.

I opened the door and left without another word.

He didn't even tell me goodbye or try to stop me.

It was funny how quickly things changed. I was so happy to have remembered something last night, and now, I felt angry all over again.

Harry and I obviously didn't have a perfect relationship. Something was always coming between us. It was either someone else or either of us.

During my walk home, I wondered if I was too hard on him. He said I forgave him for what he did. I didn't even ask him why he broke up with me in the first place.

Should I have listened to him?

Was I being rash and neurotic?

I wasn't going to allow myself to think that this was my fault.

When I got home, both my parents were sitting in the kitchen drinking tea. My mom poured me some as I sat on the stool next to her.

"Your father and I have been doing some thinking, (y/n)." She started to say.

Oh boy.

"About what?" I asked as I grabbed a cookie.

"We think you should go back to school. It will be good for you to be back in your normal element. Sitting here waiting for your memories to come isn't doing anything." My dad told me.

"You guys are tired of me?" I joked.

My mom came and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, "Of course not sweetie. We are glad you have been here. It's of your best interest to go back to school."

"It's your choice of course." My dad said.

Maybe it would be a good thing to leave. It would give me the space I needed from Harry.

"Yeah, I think it's a good idea." I smiled a little.

My parents told me that they would buy my ticket for the end of the week. That gave me four days to get my things ready and to tell Harry.

I went upstairs after our talk and went into my room.

I sat on my bed and grabbed my phone. Harry called me a few minutes ago.

I ignored it and went to my voicemail. I listened to his voice five times before I couldn't anymore. There was pain in his voice.

I felt my throat get a little tight thinking about our argument.

Little did I know, that argument inspired a song.