living with the bad boy

Chapter 16

"Because im an idiot." Blake mumbled, wrapping his hand around the nape of my neck and pulling me close.

"I hurt him." I frowned, thinking of Adam. He was so sweet and I hurt him. I have never hated myself more than I did at this very moment. I have had my share of heartbreaks and to know that I made someone feel that pain, that hurts more than any slap to the face. I pull away from Blake, getting to my feet. His eyes go wide ad he jumps up.

"Summer please dont be mad, I know I messed up but i just. I couldnt sit around and watch you be with Adam." He pleaded, placing his fingers under my chin and tilting my head up so he could look into my eyes. I looked away

"Im not mad at you. I'm mad at myself. He trusted me and that meant something to me. Adam is important to me. I feel sick. I feel disgusted. Im a horrible person. He was right to slap me, if he hadnt done it id have done it myself." I rambled, burying my head in my hands. My eyes glazed over again and I couldnt think straight, I felt like I was suffocating despite the exceedingly fresh air that surrounded Blake and me.

"He hit you." Blake snarled, clenching his fists to the point where his knuckles began to lose color. I put a hand on his shoulder to calm him, some of the tension he harbored died away at my touch but he was still fuming, I could tell.

"It's okay. I deserved it." I whispered softly. 

"No, you didnt. If anyone deserves to be slapped its me not you. Who does he think he is? That little-" 

"Blake." I warned, cutting him off "please lets just go home. I just want to go home." I cried, fatigue clear in my voice. He nodded slowly, wrapping an arm protectivey around my shoulders as if Adam would pop up again from some hiding pot.

The car ride home was silent, but comfortable. Blake snuck various glances my way. It was almost like he was trying to assure himself that I was really there. I didnt say anything, mostly because I wasnt sure what I could say but also because I was consumed by guilt and self loathing. For my entire life I  have always been the one who gets hurt not the one who inflicts pain, I dont like the feeling. Now, more than ever, I find it difficult to wrap my head around why people hurt others and why some of them even enjoy doing it.

"Summer" Blake called out soothingly, bringing me back to reality. We were home. I turned to face him, his eyes were filled with guilt.

"Blake, its not your fault. I was the one who had an obligation to Adam not you. Please dont lose sleep over this, he will come around. Thats who he is, hes humble by nature." I tried to reassure him, Blakes jaw tightened and he shook his head

"I dont care how Adam feels, he hit you. If he comes around good for him. If not I dont give a shit. I feel bad for putting you in this situation not him. I know youre beating yourself up about this and you hate yourself right now. Its my fault you feel that way." He said, pinching the bridge of his nose out of frustration 

"Let's just go inside." I suggested, opening the passenger door and making my way up to the house. The lights were out so I knew everyone was fast asleep. I was grateful for that. I did not want to have to face them. I felt so gross right now and I didnt want them to see me as I was seeing myself.

Without another word to Blake, I enter the house and head towards my room, plopping down face first onto my bed and once again, I found myself crying.

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I was woken up by the sound of clattering in mine and Blakes joined bathroom. I shot up from my bed in an instant. I grabbed one of my high heels and slowly made my way towards the bathroom, my heart was beating vigorously.