Perfection|| BTS fanfic

Chapter 9|| Insecurities

WARNING: don't read if you are suicidal or in any way depressed. This contains mention of Selfhate and suicidal thoughts.[life is worth living :) just keep breathing.]

The other members really adore jimin, not only has he an awesome personality, he also has a great body.

But they don't know what jimin does to get this body. Skipping a lot of meals and working out until total exhaustion.

And why?

Because he can't stand himself.

Because he is disgusted with himself everytime he looks into the mirror.

Because he never feels good enough.

Because he sees so many beautiful people everyday.

Because he is insecure about himself.

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Jimins POV

Scrolling through my instagram dash, watching dozens of pictures fly by. Most of the pictures are photographs are of heavy builded males

I'll never look so good

And some of beautiful woman.

I'll never be good enough for them.

I put my phone onto the nightstand and get up from my seat on the bed, which is covered in clean white sheets.
I walk towards the bathroom, every step feels so heavy, dark thoughts passing my mind.

Why am i still trying?

I'm not good enough.

I'll never be good enough.

I'm locking the bathroom door with shaking hands and walk to the mirror which is placed above the sink, looking at myself. [ I love jiminie, he is perfect, so pls don't hate me for the following stuff]

This broken, fat, ugly person in front of me looks so exhausted and his body is shaking. And the worst of all, this person that I see is me.

You are ugly
"I know."

You can't do anything right
"I know."

why do the others even keep up with you? You are worthless
"I know."

I had another agreement with my mind, my thoughts and my worst nightmare... Myself.

I stared at the boy in front of me, his eyes let tears run down his cheeks, his mouth lets out sobs and his lips shaking just like the rest of his body.

I couldn't stand him... Couldn't stand myself...

Before I knew it I started punching the mirror with my fists, knuckles meeting the glass harshly and shattering it easily.

As the whole mirror was in pieces, I started to feel the pain on my knuckles and let myself fall to the floor in exhaustion.

What happened to you?
"I don't know..."

"JIMIN?!"

This time it wasn't me who spoke, neither were it my thoughts.

"I'M COMING IN!"

I held my eyes closed as I heard someone turning the key in the lock. They must have gotten the spare key for my bathroom, only Jin hyung knows where I hide it...

"JIMIN!"

Yes. Jin hyung. It is jin hyung.

He shaked my body, trying to get me to open my eyes, which I did... And immediatly regretted.

Tears were building in his brown eyes, which were opened widely in anxiety. His mouth was slightly agape and mumbled my name over and over, but his words slowly faded as my sight went black and I lost my consciousness.

I was exhausted.

---

I woke up in my bed...

And someone was sitting next to me on it...

Gently caressing my head.

I looked over and saw Jin leaning against the headboard of my bed, his expression was a lot calmer now but he looked very sad now, which I couldn't stand seeing either.

"Jiminie..." He said while going through my hair and looking right into my soul.

"Y-yes?" My gaze fell to my bandaged hand, the one I broke the mirror with. The  bandages were soaked with blood, turning slightly red, at my knuckles.

"What... Happened in there? Why did you-"

"Break the mirror? I... I can't stand seeing myself. I hate myself..." I explained, finally letting all my thoughts out.

"I feel so ugly, so worthless, useless, fat and I don't know why you guys keep saying that I'm beautiful."

"Jimin... You are perfect in my eyes. Even without your abs, without make up and I wouldn't want you to change a thing about yourself. And also I would bet that the others see it the same way."

"I still feel ugly though.." I sighed, i was frustrated with never being good enough... Or atleast feeling that way. And I can't stop no matter how many people tell me that I'm pretty.

"Jiminie... " Jin hyung pulled me into a sitting position and hugged me tight.

"You are beautiful"

"You are perfect"

"Don't let anyone say anything else"

"You are good enough."

It felt like he gave me some of his self confidence.

"Please don't be so insecure"

"Cause you are wonderful."

"Cause you are perfect how you are."

I'm perfect how I am...

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Heyyy~

I feel like I'm hurting my sweet sons so much in this fanfic... Sorry, i love all of them <3

There is only one more chapter left... About tae... And it will most likely be really short and be the happy end (kinda happy) to this story. (I can't write a story with a bad end... So....)

~Lil