Lams- I Can't Lose You

Sob Story

"This can't be you. What-what are you doing here? Nevermind, thats a stupid question, but is it really you?"

"I'm sorry, but I need to do my job." He has the audacity to turn around and pretend as if he never saw me, and that hurts more than not seeing him in over a year.

I stand there, practically gasping for air, when another employee comes to the register.

"Hello, sir, what would you like to order today?" The teen girl says in a chirpy voice.

"I..." I try to say something, but nothing comes out. He's still over there, pretending I don't and have never existed.

I take a shaky breath and say, "Nevermind."

I turn on my heel and power walk out the door. I don't stop moving until I reach the college. I'm almost to my dorm, when I remember that since it's the next morning, My roommate is probably there right now. I don't want his first impression of me to be a sobbing, gross mess.

I turn and head the opposite direction, towards Hercules and Lafayette's dorm. Herc is the only person I can talk to about this.

I just barge into their dorm, still crying, and jump onto their couch. I wrap myself into a blanket and lay face-down. My sobbing can be heard throughout the room, even though it's muffled.

"Qu'est-ce qui se passe ici?" I hear Lafayette mumble from the bedroom doorway. I hear heavy footsteps walk to the couch, and feel the couch bend under his weight.

"Hey, buddy. What happened this time?" Hercules said softly while patting my back.

I didn't respond.

"Oh, so it's going to be like that, is it?"

More muffled crying.

"Uh huh, I understand."

I flip to my side. I'm still wrapped in the blanket burrito, but now I can actually breath.

"Oh really? Interesting. Please go on?"

I start hiccuping while sobbing, making me look even more pathetic than I was already.

"No! Unacceptable! We must seek revenge immediately!" He yelled, getting up from the couch.

"What is happening to the boy?" Lafayette asks

"I do that whenever he won't stop crying. I have no clue what is going on." Hercules explains. I sob even louder to prove his point.

4 hours later, and I can still barely articulate an understandable sentence.

"Oh my god. Getting you to talk is harder than teaching a toddler quantum physics!" Hercules said, exasperated with me. I don't care. I don't want to feel anything right now. I want to feel numb. I don't want to remember his face, or his laugh, or his personality, or his jokes, or the way he stabbed my heart out and beat it to a bloody pulp. No, I don't want to remember any of it.

"Dude, you have to stop crying now. It's been hours, surely you can talk now? What the hell could have happened to make you like this?" He says.

"I-It w-w-was... it was... it..." I tried, before breaking down once more.

"C'mon, John. Just one word. You can do it."

I choke down tears, and mumble, "A-alex."

"Alex? Was it another flashback thing?" Herc asked.

I shook my head violently, tears flying off. Lafayette was kneeling next to the couch, holding a large, almost-empty tissue box, and was handing me one every few seconds.

"Alex what?" Herc tried again.

"I-I saw..."

"You saw him! Where? Did you talk? Why are you sad if you saw Alex?"

I shook my head again. Lafayette had the brilliant idea of getting me a pen and paper to write instead of talking.

I went to get coffee, and He was at the register. After He saw me, He said He was busy and then acted as if I never even existed and it's tearing me up and I feel like I'm going to puke and I hate it.

"Oh John. I... I'm sorry that happened. He's acting like a total asshole right now. That doesn't even sound like the guy we used to know. If he were here at this very moment I'd probably punch him for doing that."

I nodded weakly.

Lafayette bust in. "So, uh, who is this 'Alex' guy?"

Herc looked at me, then back to Lafayette.

"Alex is the name of someone who used to be our friend. Us three met in Freshman year, and were friends all the way through Junior. Alex was really smart, so he wanted to graduate one year early. So that's what he did. But when he had to leave, he did it in a crappy and not well thought out way, and left John and Me alone with no contact to him."

"And I had the biggest crush on him! And He kissed me right before He left! And the reason they call it a crush is because if it doesn't work out it can CRUSH YOUR SOUL TO PIECES AND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT!" I screamed. I bunched up my knees to my chest and went for another round of sobbing.

"Ah. That's who the Alex guy is." Lafayette said quietly, visibly startled by my outburst, but I didn't care. No, I didn't care at all! I don't care about Him! He can go die in a pit halfway around the globe for all I care!

Oh, but I cared so much. So, so much that I was the one tearing myself apart. Tearing myself apart for a man who despises me.

Eventually, I run out of tears, tissues, and energy, and just lay there, emotionless. I realize I've spent more time in their dorm than in my own dorm. I was really looking forward to going to college, but now I'm wasting my first days sulking on a friends couch.

I feel Hercules lay down at his end of the couch. I wonder what time it is, but I'm too lazy to check. Lafayette went back to the bedroom an hour ago. I snuggle into my blanket again and fall asleep.