Lams- I Can't Lose You

Roommate

For the second time in two days, I wake up on Hercules' couch. I don't see them when I open my eyes, but the curtains are pushed aside this time. Sunlight catches the dust swirling in the air.

I sit up, still drained from last night, but feeling slightly better.

I groan, rewrapping my blanket burrito around me tightly. I should leave, maybe finally meet my roommate that I'm going to share a dorm with for the rest of the year. I'm going to have to do it at some point.

I stumble around, trying not to wake Herc or Lafayette.

I open the front door.

I walk through the halls and down some stairs.

I can see my dorm from here.

The door is closed.

I open the door.

My roommate is actually here. He's sitting at a desk, facing away from me. He has his grey hoodie up around his head, so I don't know what he looks like. He seems familiar, in a sense.

He's typing on his laptop. Does he already have homework? I should probably say hi.

"Uh, hey." I say. He freezes for a few moments, then shakes his head and goes back to typing.

I huff. "Whatever." I mumble. He doesn't seem to want to talk right now. I need to freshen up anyway; I feel like a gross mess.

I enter the bedroom. I can see he's settled in. The sheets are slightly ruffled, as if he were sitting there just a few moments ago. Nothing else seems any different from when I was here last.

I'm still drained, so I set off taking a shower for now. I flop on my bed and unwrap my blanket. I should give this back, but then again, Hercules did take my blanket and not give it back for months.

My backpack still sits at the foot of my bed, so I open it up and start taking things out.

I finally set the picture of Herc, Alex, and I on my nightstand. Next I take out a water bottle with my high school logo on it. Stupid to keep it around, but I'm too lazy to get rid of it.

I reach in my bag again, and my fingers brush against something soft. My hand recoils briefly, but grabs the fuzzy thing again.

Once it's out in the light, I recognise it. A stuffed tabby cat, small enough to fit in my hand. I'd forgotten I'd packed this. I've had it for years. Alex gave it to me after the fair.

The fair.

No, not again.

That night.

Please! Not again, no, no, no!

Alex.

Alex is pointing to a stuffed cat on the wall. We're back at the fair again. Wait, no. This is the same night as the last flashback. We're at the fair, flashing lights and laughing children are all around us. It's later this time, around 11. The fair closes soon.

"I really want that cat thingie." Alex says.

"The fair closes in a half hour, you're not going to get this."

"Come on! The fair only comes around once every 2 years! I need this or I may never be able to get it again! Please, John?" He pleads. He gives me the puppy-dog face. I never could deny him anything with the puppy-dog face.

"Fine." I say.

"Yeah!" He jumps in the air, then runs over to the booth. It's one of those ring-toss games, but made easier for the little kids. Littler prizes for the littler kids.

It takes forever for Alex to win. The operators are just closing up, and we were almost the only ones there.

"Which prize would you like?" said the operator in a dull voice. They'd been doing this job for hours, probably. I would hate to have this job.

"The cat!" Alex squeals, bouncing up and down with excitement. He was so stupid, sometimes. But it was this adorable stupid boy I fell for.

I should have never fallen so hard that I couldn't get up.

He got handed the little cat.

I get handed the little cat.

"Why are you giving this to me?"

"I want you to have it." He persists.

"But-"

"You're the closest friend I've got."

I flash back to reality. I'm yelling incoherently, tears are flowing down my face in sheets, and my shirt is soaked in them.

"Agh!" I cry. I pick up the stupid cat in my hand and throw it as hard as possible. I hear a dull thunk as it hits the wall and falls to the floor.

I ended up on the floor, also. Shaking with anger, I try and stand up, using the bed as a crutch.

"God dAMN IT, ALEX!" I yell. I glare at the stupid cat with its stupid face and the stupid memories that come attached. Alex gave me that cat. My Alex.

I wish he was here right now.

I crawl over to the cat and gingerly pick it up, as if it were made of smoke and could disappear any moment.

"I-I'm so-sorry, I di-didn't mean t-to. I'm sorry, Alex. I-I'm sorry." I whimper. Two stray tears slip down my face and land on it's fur.

I hear the door creak open.