Leaf of Alexander

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Two: Dance

I stayed quiet for a little time. I remained pondering about what should I do. I wanted to have a dance with him— as a birthday gift to myself, I want to give the exact happiness that my body asking now. His gift was so much to me, but I really want to be with him once again— in this night, I wanted to loosen myself up.

I know to myself, this wasn't permanent, he has his own life— own relationship with Stacey. And now, I was envying her for having Alexander. Alex was a good man, he can do whatever Stacey wanted. Myself will jeopardize me in the end of this game. I can't stop myself, I would go beyond this game— I'm sure of that.

What happened to me? Why I was already like this? I hated him, I didn't like him— every single fiber of him, every single beads of him, I hated. But why do I feel like this now? Some part of me wishing that this will go in my side, like the person who owned the notebook I had seen in EU.

After this night, I will put myself out for a little while. I need a little break from all of the perplexing circumstances. I should bound to win— not feeling or experiencing the other way around. But, shit, Alexander was a big flirt. He can pulverize my hate and turn into something I did not want.

He was too caring. I can't stop myself to like him. He was the guy I was wishing for. I hated him before because aside from being intruder in my life, I thought he was just smart and charismatic guy— no reason to get excited, he was dull and boring... that was I thought. But he proven himself enough. He was the perfect man, but he was in loved with someone else— and that was the reason why he's with me. He wanted my downfall.

I stared at my phone. Should I reply to his text? But what should I reply? That I also want him to dance me? Hell to the no. I won't ever do that.

I know it was a pathetic decision. If he wanted to dance me, he should ask me in person and not just in a text message. Does his conscience root finally inside him? If I would tell him that I was already liking him, that means he'll going to lessen his efforts on me. And when I finally fell on his trap, that means his work is finally done— and he'll be leaving me because of it, he has no work for me anymore.

"Are you okay? Kanina lang nakangiti ka," Grace elbowed me.

I looked at her and smiled, "Okay lang."

"This is your birthday, you should be happy." she looked at Lily whose busy talking with Hailey. "Ly, did you say something bad to Sap—"

I immediately interrupted, "No! Wala siyang ginagawa."

Lily looked at us with his crumpled forehead, "I was quiet here, why include my name?" she asked Grace.

Grace just shrugged and looked at me as if she was weighing my expression. I was been vocal to them but now I felt like muted— inaudible. They were my best friends, they can guide and advise me whatever path I'd pace in. But now, I was ashamed. I was been in this long run since then but I never thought of telling them about this. I know I had enter into something dangerous.

"This past few weeks, you seem like hiding something to us," she concluded.

I smiled at her suspicion. They were my friends— they knew me a lot that even a little secret I've been hiding they observed. I wonder what would they react once they know that I was hiding something to them? We made promises and one of that was always be honest with each other: no lies, no secrets— and I think that was friendship would always be.

I know I wasn't a perfect best friend, I have still a flaws and imperfections. In the path I had taken, I opted to be silent and won't tell any of my plans to them. Nevertheless, I never felt any regrets, I was just too guilty because of our promise with our friendship. But the most regretful decision that I had made was entering this nonsense game— for what? To save my precious ego? Yes. I was so dumb to enter but I had no choice now but to run until it's done.