Do Better

Ten

Jhene

I felt lightheaded and nauseated. All color had drained from my face - I was as pale as a ghost. I knew where I was, but I felt like I had left and fallen into some hideous place. I was witnessing a dead person. Nothing seemed to make sense, though.

Why would he be up here, in Aubrey's closet?

I began to feel an ache form in my stomach, unsure of whether it was real pain or guilt - or both.

As blurred as my memory was right now- at 3:00 in the morning- I couldn't seem to remember what had happened the previous night. However, my nerves prevented all attempts at recalling what went on. While I was staring down at the lifeless body in front of me, I felt my knees get weak and my eyes fill up enough to almost spill down my cheeks, taking me into an utter shock of the reality of this situation and what it had become.

Aubrey

Jhene's small figure laid in my bed sound asleep while I tried not to make a single sound. The only noise came from her light breathing and the TV playing from another bedroom down the hall. The clock read 1:30AM.

Quickly and quietly, I drug the bag through the room, silently praying to god that she wouldn't wake up. I pulled it into the closet since it was the only convenient place at the moment that I could think of. Flicking on the light switch, I pulled the body bag all the way into the closet, pushing it against the wall. Pulling off my gloves, I threw them on the floor and wiped the sweat from my forehead.

I rushed down the stairs and back into my Bentley, driving downtown to get a drink. What I had done lifted a huge weight off both Jhene's shoulders and my own. But I was well aware that I had consequences to face; like the permanent guilt that I was guaranteed to feel. However, if it meant that this shitty mess I've started was finally over, it was worth is.

Driving 40mph on a 25, I searched the streets of the Dominican for some type of bar or club that didn't seem too busy.

I parallel parked on the street before walking into Benny's Bar and ordering a beer. Thankfully there were only a few other people here and they didn't seem to recognize me. The last thing I needed was someone announcing my name and catching me off guard while I was in this state of mind. It was probably obvious that I had committed a crime by the sweat on my forehead and the stuttering of my words.

After 2 more beers and a couple of shots, I headed back to the house. The alcohol seemed to cancel out all of the guilt and second thoughts enough to focus on what was really going on. Glancing back at the clock, it read 3:16AM this time.

Ignoring my seat belt, I sped home, wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep. I wondered what tomorrow would be like. I couldn't even begin to imagine what would happen if one of the guys found out about what was going on.

-

I quietly shut and locked the front door, careful not to wake anyone. Lightly stepping up the stairs, I walked down the hallway to my temporary bedroom to find an empty bed. I was a little disappointed. She must have went back to her room or something.

I slouched down onto the bed, burying my face into my palms until the light from the closet caught my attention. I needed to do something to get rid of the body.

Before thinking of a plan, I walked into the closet, carelessly flinging the door open, finding Jhene kneeled down on the floor. My face contorted and my heart dropped. I felt a feeling I'd never felt in my life...ever.

"Why would you do this, Aubrey?" She spoke so light that I could barely even hear her words. They stung. Her cheeks were stained from tears and new ones kept forming in her eyes. Her hair was tangeled, showing her stress off. "Why?" She asked again, holding back more tears.

"I-" I searched for any possible words to say, but nothing came out.

"I want an answer."

"I only was trying to end this mess, Jhene. He was going to hurt you." I hoped to God that she would say something to let me know that this isn't as bad as she's making it out to be, but the truth was that it was that bad. "I was only trying to protect you." I whispered.

She squinted her eyes at me and shook her head. "No, Aubrey. There's a difference between protecting and killing." She looked away, painfully saying those words. "I understand that you were involved with them at one time and killing is what goes on with that lifestyle, but you're living a totally different life. You have a career, you're supposed to be setting an example for people. You could go to prison." She emphasized the last word, trying desperately to get the point through to me, but I didn't want to take her side and admit that she was right. I did what I did for her own safety and I didn't regret a single ounce of it.

I decided to stay silent, clenching my jaw to try to ease up on my anger I was feeling. The anger wasn't towards Jhene. I was angry that I had these consequences to face. Antonio did things to her that she couldn't even take away and he did a hell of a lot in the past when we were in contact. I wanted and needed him to be in the past; so he is.

"Nothing?" She threw her arms up, letting them fall against her bare legs. "You have absolutely nothing to say about this?"

I knew my answer would piss her off but I wasn't going to lie to her either. So I shook my head no, watching her expression change. Honestly, it scared me. She had the ability to leave right now, and I wouldn't stop her. She deserves to go somewhere else where she'd be happier. I couldn't keep her around me after what she just witnessed. But I knew she wouldn't ever tell anyone about what I did.

"Have a good time for the rest of this vacation." She smiled small, wiping the trails of tears from under her eyes. I stood still, not even budging.

Grabbing her clothes, she packed everything neatly into her suitcases.

"I won't need these." She held out the keys to the house I had bought for her.

"Jhene, please keep it. It's a gift."

"Aubrey." She spoke sternly, still holding them out for me to take. She was too determined so I decided to take them and put them in my pocket.

"You don't have to leave, I-"

"I'm leaving." She cut me off before I could finish. "Call me when you figure your shit out. Or, just don't bother calling at all."

She tried to sound threatening but her voice cracked mid-sentence and I knew it was killing her inside just as much as it hurt me to see her leave like this.

"Have a safe flight home." I grabbed her arm and pulled her in for a hug. Holding on tight, I kissed her hair before letting her go.

"Thank you." She said and walked down the stairs and out the front door. I wasn't exactly sure how she was planning on getting home, but if I chased her, she'd only push me away even further.

By this point, it was official that I was a fuck up. Her only wishes were to avoid me, and that's exactly what was going to happen. I'd end up flying back home with the crew and life would go back to how it was before this trip, only I'd have to face the fact that I ruined what could have been so much more.

After sitting around, mourning in my own sadness, I walked back into the closet, pulling the body bag out. I pulled it down the stairs and into my Bentley.

-

There was an empty lake a few miles east where I thought I'd be safe to dump the body off at. I slipped by gloves over my hands, and got out of the car to grab the bag.

Once I got it to the dock, I launched it off, watching it sink down to the bottom of the lake.

"Fuck you for making me struggle my whole childhood. Fuck you for your sick ass games. Fuck you for taking away someone that actually meant something to me." I whispered to myself, feeling disgusted with the person that no longer lived to get enough revenge for his twisted mind.

"Dirty bastard." I seethed through gritted teeth, walking away.