Please Don't Set My Heart Aflame

Chapter #34: Passing The Blame

The bass pounded in through my entire body, blasting my ears as the lights turned to blind me... People like this chaos? They even pay for it... I decided I needed a break, and took the stairs to the roof like I used to. You'd think they'd block off the stairs better, but I guess the school's a bit to broke for that. Enough money to pay for lights, snacks, and a DJ, but not enough to ensure the safety of their students. Typical. Then again, I'm broke enough to go to prom in the same outfit I wear everyday.

I've never laid out here under the stars before... It was absolutely beautiful. Now if only I could escape the light pollution and see the whole sky. Maybe someday...

Then I heard steps. They were coming up here! I gotta hide, I could get suspended! That's when I messed up. I leaped over the top of the roof onto the other side, and I slipped, letting out a blood-curdling scream. Big. Mistake.

"Who's there?"

Just when I started to panic, whether that be because someone found me or the fact I'm dangling from a fricken rooftop, someone jumped over to find me. Out of all people.

"Jessica?"

"Ryan?" I must've been as pale as a ghost as he pulled me up, careful not to end up in my position. Before I knew it, I was saved by him yet again, safe in his arms. All it took was one instant of eye contact to awkwardly break apart. We aren't what we used to be, and we both knew that.

"Come, sit." He sat right by where I usually rested myself, and I took my seat beside him. The look on his face was almost sad... Or I think it was. Where's my Ryan decoder?

We sat in silence, looking over the rooftops around the school. Until I opened my big fat mouth. "I guess I don't have a very good relationship with rooftops."

He chuckled before his face morphed into a concerned look. "You didn't try to do that earlier... Did you?"

I roughly shook my head. "Goodness no! I'm trying to steer away from that path..."

"Good." The tension in his face released. "I'd be devastated if something happened to you. I mean– You just mean a lot to me."

"You, too." I fought a blush, and thankfully I won. The last thing I need is to get too attached to this boy the day before I leave. Then we just kinda sat there for a minute, just the two of us laying down and watching the stars– occasionally a plane flying by. Until he rolled over, facing me.

"I'm really sorry."

I rolled so we were making eye contact. I didn't even pay attention to the tux he was wearing... He's come a long way. He's grown up quite a bit over the past year, and so have I. "Sorry? For what?"

"I... I don't know." He put his hands over his face in frustration. "I just know I screwed up."

"You didn't... What?"

"The whole reason you stopped talking to me. What did I do?" His hands were now removed, and I could see his glistening eyes. I wasn't sure if the sky was reflecting upon them, or maybe tears were welling up in his eyes.

"I... I don't know. I'm sorry. You did nothing..." I looked at my feet in shame and embarrassment. It truly was my fault he was gone...

"Don't blame yourself. I know you are. Don't even try to deny it, I know you too well."

"I take blame for a lot of things, Ryan. It isn't anything new..."

"Lighten up on yourself. Can you talk to me? Look me in my eyes."

I didn't really want him to see me right now, but I followed his instructions. I just wanted to curl up in a corner.

"I have a question, don't answer if you really don't want to... But I have to ask. Last time we talked... What happened to you?"

And the flashback hit me hard.

"Jessica..." he sighed. "I get it. It's still hard. Just be thankful that you have me..."

"I can live without you, Ryan. I've proven that multiple times, now. Get over yourself." I then opened the car door and stumbled out, but being stored as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into a warm hug.

"I don't care if you need me... I will always, always be there for you."

"Then where were you, then? Huh?"

That was it. That's why I stopped talking to him... It all makes sense now. "I... Don't think you'd believe me. It's nothing." I rolled the other way now. If I was gonna cry, there was no way in hell I'd let him see it.

"I'll believe you. I promise."

I inhaled deeply to prepare myself to speak. "Danny... Danny tried to kill me."

"Wait... Danny? My best friend...?" He sat up as he spoke in shock.

"That's the one..." I choked up a bit; the same sickening feeling Danny caused me as he sliced my throat.

"He wouldn't hurt someone like that... Would he?"

I sat up and unraveled the scarf from around my neck, showing the scar he left. "He cut here." I pointed and began to realize how short and clipped my words have become.

His face flickered like a candle between sympathy and anger toward his "friend".  "That bastard! How could he do that to you...?"

"He was jealous... I was with you... He thought I stole you."

"I'll get him back... I swear." And then he hugged me. I should've just let go and let my tears escape, but no. I pushed him away.

"I don't want hugs. Not anymore."

This only hurt the poor boy more. He just found out his childhood friend tried to murder his girlfriend at the time! As he began to sulk, I patted him on the back.

"Why not?"

I sighed and just said it. "Ryan, I'm moving away."

His face then whitened.