The Street Child (Min Yoongi)

Chapter 10: Hysteria

I said to Allah, "I hate my life."
He replied, "Who asked you to love life? Just love Me and life will be beautiful."

. . .

I looked into the mirror, seeing the familiar face of a guilty sinner I had been looking at for the past 2 years, staring back at me with an unwavering gaze. I placed my hand on my face, tracing my hooded eyes, button nose and full lips.

People thought I was some kind of beautiful fairytale princess who was perfect and didn't make mistakes. They had that kind of image about me that was hard to ruin. If you told them I slapped a freshmen, they'll never believe it.

'Who, Yuna? Pfft. Like she'd ever do that.'

If you ever told them I had a one night stand with a guy 3 years younger than me, they'd never believe it.

'Yuna? No way. She can never do something like that.'

She's so nice. She's so cool. She's so beautiful. She's so kind. She's so sweet.

My fist banged the mirror. I hated it. I hated it all. I hated people treating me like I was a saint, like I could do nothing wrong. Like I could never even hurt a fly.

They were all wrong. They were all so wrong. They didn't know one shit about me. They didn't know that I had committed a terrible crime. They didn't know I had taken away an innocent life with my own hands.

I kept banging the mirror with my fists, hot tears streaming down my face. I missed him. I missed him so fucking much.

Why had I done it? What had made me do it? What had made me kill Joshua?

I stared at my hands, the same hands that had taken his life. I clenched my fists so hard with anger that my knuckles turned paper white. A sob escaped my lips. What was the use of holding it back? I had been holding it back for 2 year, telling myself not to cry. Urging myself to believe that it was an accident. That I had not really meant to do that.

But I couldn't. Because I knew it was intentional. I remembered that feeling in my heart before I killed him, crystal clear. We had a fight. I got drunk. I wanted him to feel the pain he had given me. So I killed him.

As simple as that. It was so fucking simple. It all happened in a minute. Only when I saw his lifeless eyes staring up at me blankly, did I realize what I had done. Only then did I realize that I had committed an unforgivable crime. I had given in to the demon inside my heart. I had let my unreasonable hatred take control of me. I had ended an innocent life.

I had killed a person who would do anything for me. Who would cross all limits, just to make me happy. I killed the one who had loved me with all he was. The one who used to do silly things, just to put a smile on my face. The one who used to stroke my hair, caress my face, and kiss my tears when I cried. The one who used to sing me to sleep when I suffered from insomnia. The one who used to tell me that he loved me every single day.

I looked at my tear stained face and my red eyes. To this day, I hated to meet my own eyes in the mirror. Because when I did, I saw a criminal who escaped her punishment. I saw a girl who was trying to run away from her past, to forget that incident ever happened. A girl who would do anything to rewind time and go back to the day she had gotten drunk. She wanted to slap her past self and make her realize what she was about to do.

And above all, she wanted to save him.

No one knew what had happened that night. No one knew what had happened to Joshua. No one knew what fate awaited him. There was no one to avenge his death. And the worst part?

I felt happy.

I had felt relieved to know that no one knew the truth. I could live peacefully, without having to be on a run from the police for the rest of my life. I felt so disgusted with myself. I killed my boyfriend and I was happy that no one knew about it?

Why wasn't I being driven mad with guilt? How was I able to smile, laugh and live like a normal person? Like I had never done something wrong? Like I had nothing to be afraid of? Why wasn't my conscience driving me insane? I didn't deserve to live such a happy life. I deserved to live a life like Yoongi's, enduring one hardship after another, and he deserved to live mine. But deep down, I knew that there was some part of me that was being eaten away with guilt. It made me want to die.

My knees buckled beneath me, and I fell down to the cold, hard floor. I gripped my face in my hands, my nails digging into my skin. I vigorously shook my head, as though it would make me forget everything, clawing at my face. My hands tangled in my hair as I rocked back and forth. My breaths started coming out short as black dots covered my vision. I was gasping for air, desperately trying to take in oxygen. Somewhere at the back of my head, my brain was telling me that I was hyperventilating. My eyes drooped as I slowly started drifting into unconsciousness.

Just as I was about to faint, the bathroom door banged open and a figure came barging in. But I couldn't make out who it was, and frankly, I didn't care. The person pulled my hands away from my hair and clasped it in their own.

"Breathe, Yuna. Breathe," a feminine voice instructed.

"In and out. In and out."

I tried to follow what the person was instructing me to do. I took a deep breath in and then breathed out, finding out that it was helping to clear my vision. Soon, my vision had improved a little bit so that I could make out a familiar face crouched down in front of me.

"M-minyoung!" I gasped.

"Yes. Yes it's me, sweety. You're doing great. Just keep repeating those steps. Breathe in and out, Yuna."

I did as I was told, and soon enough, my vision had cleared completely. Instantly, I wrapped my arms around my best friend and nuzzled my head in the crook of her neck. She did the same and stroked my hair, while I sobbed in her neck as she was whispering comforting things in my ear. I never realized before how much I needed her.

• • •

A/N:
____
I'm so sorry for the short and boring chapter. But every chapter is an important part of the story, so don't think of it as a filler. Thanks so much for reading. I sincerely treasure every read, every vote and every comment.