to you

nights like these

nights like these,
where the stars have lost their shine,
where the moon is forever stuck as new,
where light's absence in my mind has become the normality,
where i lie awake,
wishing that the next blink would be the lucky one
to end all these raging thoughts
running amok
behind these bloodshot eyes
and chipping away at what's left of
my distant friend,
sanity,
who never calls anymore.

yes,
nights like these
are where my life spends its ticking time away,
wondering if there was still a sun
in my heart
left to rise
and bring day
back to this body
who's entangled itself
between the sharp teeth
of darkness' wicked grin.

it's
nights like these
where you've infected every thought i have,
where your name is spelled out
in all capital letters,
bolded,
italicized,
underlined,
where it's screamed endlessly until my head is ready to burst,
where my fingers try to claw you out of my mind
and free these thoughts encaged by my skull.

but on
nights like these,
i yearn for all the questions asked to have answers,
and there's this part of me,
a large chunk to be exact,
that doesn't want these thoughts of you to be
gone
despite the torture i'm put through
every
single
night
because
now i realize that
thinking about you
will be the closest i'll ever be to
being with you.

nights like these
are where the battles of this war are fought
on unfamiliar land,
me vs me,
soldiers fallen, revenge served, treaties never to be signed,
fighting till the victor is the only one left standing,
unknowing that this war
will end with only
remnants,
stinking of the breath of death,
and the winner a
rotting corpse.

maybe the death of me
can finally be the death of
nights like these.