Day 12 of our 2-month trip.... or my 2-month trip now. It's been 3 days since the whole Brendon and I's incident, but I haven't heard anything from him since that day and I was glad.
The past 3 days have been nothing but me sleeping, thinking and drowning my problems with alcohol. I was never a heavy drinker, my alcohol tolerance was low. I never drank anything strong, just simple and plain.
I sat and stared at the bathroom mirror, my legs crossed as I sat on the counter. I always had random dreams of seeing Blair, many times it was deja vu. I stared at the mirror and began to tear up just thinking of Blair, she was my everything, everything I was. I was nothing without her. So that's what I am now, nothing.
I watched a figure walk behind me in the reflection of the mirror. The tear had blurred my vision and I took my arm and swiped the tears away. I saw Blair behind me. I turned around so I was facing it. Ever since the first deja vu incidents I knew not to freak out when I saw Blair.
"Hi," I rolled my eyes at it.
"Hi..." It said back, stepping closer.
"Go away, I don't want you here," I said bitterly.
"Why? I missed you, please, I love you. You said you loved me to, come back Jaclyn," It said calmly, I heard the emotions in its voice. I grabbed my head and plugged my ears and shook my head back and forth, closing my eyes tightly.
"It's not real! It's not real! It's not real!" I screamed to myself, not letting myself fall for its games.
"Jaclyn? I'm real? What are you talking about? I'm here, please," It begged. I turned and ran to it. I went to hug it, and...
it disappeared, right in my arms. I fell for its tricks. I cried softly on the floor while remembering Blair. If she was here she would tell me I was okay, and even if I wasn't I would tell her I was. But somehow, I would end up better anyway. I was on the floor, shaking and tears running down my face. I traced them in my mind as they went over every curve on my face.
I jumped when I felt a hand on my head. The hand traced the top of my head before grabbing my hair, not hard but gently. The hand started braiding my hair, I didn't understand. I didn't want to move. I wondered where it was coming from, who? I wondered if it was my head, my head telling me someone was there, only to be tricked. Kind of like Brendon, he forced me to believe he cared, but he never did.
"This is Gospel, for the fallen ones, locked away in permanent slumber," A voice sang, the voice came from above me. I shivered as the voice continued.
"Assembling their philosophies, from pieces of broken memories," The voice continued, I couldn't move, I wanted to know who was there, who was singing?
"Oh, this beat of my heart, this beat of my heart," It was soft, in a caring tone, they were definitely trying to help me.
"Their gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds," The voice caressed, the feeling I was getting I never knew before, it felt real, like the voice really did care.
"But they haven't seen the best of us yet," The voice kept going. Brendon's name kept ringing in my head every time the voice sings, but somehow I knew it wasn't Brendon, and why would Brendon try braiding my hair? And why would Brendon come back?
"If you love me let me go," The voice sang, the voice was female, and that's when it hit me.
"Blair?" I called out. The singing voice stopped.
"Jaclyn?" It called back. I sat up, still feeling a little dizzy.
"You aren't real, I know, my brain likes to do this to me, it makes me think you are back and you're real. But you aren't, I need to accept the fake that you are dead and that I will never hear or see you again," I cried turning around toward "Blair".
"Jaclyn, I'm real, what are you talking about?" It asked.
"You are a vision in my head, it makes me see you so I can think you are okay and alive and better, but you aren't, and every time I believe you are back, you disappear into thin air, just gone," I explain fighting back more tears.
"Jaclyn, I'm here, you passed out when you tried hugging me, I'm here," It explained, I didn't want to be fooled again, I walked over to it and went over to hug it. My arms wrapped around the figure. I knew it would be gone, goodbye forever and I was ready and knew what to expect. But it didn't, it was still there, I wrapped my arms around it and it wrapped the hands back around.
"I missed you," It... She said.
Hhow? How are you.... alive, and here, and-" I stuttered trying to wrap my head around what happened.
"You may want to ask him," Blair said looking to the door of the room. I let go of Blair and watched as a figure walked into the room. They stayed silent as they stayed away from me avoiding my eye contact.
I ran and wrapped my arms around their neck and shoulders and pulled them in. They hesitated to wrap their arms around my waist. I pulled them close to me. I knew I shouldn't have but I was just so happy to see Blair. I didn't want to move from that spot as they held me close to them.
"Brendon," I cried softly to him.
"Hi, Jackie..." He said gently as he set his chin on top of my head.
"Where? How? When? What? Who?" I asked them both, my mind started racing wondering what had happened.
"When Blair went into the tests they thought she wasn't going to live, and it would be very difficult to allow her to, as they were going to let her pass away right then and there. After you told me to go away when I was on the streets that day I went back to the hospital and paid the hospital to do everything they could to keep her alive, and that's what they did, and here we are. I'm sorry I came as well, I know you didn't want to see me," Brendon explained avoiding my eye contact once again.
"How much did you pay?" I asked quietly. Brendon mumbled something I couldn't understand. "Brendon?" I said eyeing him.
"20 million," Brendon said a bit louder.
"You paid 20 million dollars! Brendon you didn't have to do that," I said laying my hand on his shoulder.
"Excuse me?!" Blair said from behind us. I started laughing and hugged Blair again.
"You have no idea how much I missed you," I said into her neck. I pulled away and hugged Brendon again.
"Thank you so much," I said to him.
"I missed you," Brendon quietly said, probably hoping I didn't hear him, but I did.
"I missed you, too" I quietly said into his ear.
YOU ARE READING
Lost// Brendon Urie// Finished
Fanfiction"Sleep with me," "I would rather be dead," "That could be arranged,"
