Dyed In the Wool

9

The days were blurring together.  Since I left Ryan with promises of not being alone, I have been alone.  I didn't actually call Shelly and Kyle, nor had I really wanted them here.  They have both seen me at some pretty low places whenever we were in school, but nothing compared to this. I couldn't handle her mother like nature I adored, and seeing them happy with their child while I wasn't able to do the same.

I was a wreck, I hadn't left the house much in days, barely ate anything.  The couch in our living room was where I had spent most of my time.  Our bedroom had sounded inviting, but the first night I had slept there, I hadn't gotten any sleep, Ryan's scent lingered on his side of the bed.   So instead, I found solace in a newly washed blanket and the couch the size of a boat.

In the days I had been home,I had somehow managed to lose my phone.  It didn't help that it was surely dead and I wasn't in any mood to go and search for it.  No one really needed me, I was allowed to wallow in my misery alone.  People had stopped by, but I acted like I wasn't home, so the people at the door who were knocking finally thought I wasn't home, so they stopped and left.

As I had committed to at the airport, I quit my job, gave no notice.  I walked in, told my manager and handed in my keys.  It wasn't really a shock to her, she knew how miserable I was.  She thought it had to do mostly with Ryan being gone, and that was part of it, just not the sole reason for me being unhappy.  It was a pretty fucked up place to begin with, and with new management starting to take over my department, it was going to be a complete nightmare. Now I just spent my days binge watching mindless TV shows to keep my mind occupied.

"Gemma!" Allie, Ryan's sister called from the front door.

I turned to look at where she stood, her face in shock.  "How-"

"Ryan gave Mom a key.  When he couldn't get a hold of you, he finally told me to use the key to check on you."

"I lost my phone." I said, turning back to face the TV, laying my head against the couch.

"What are you doing?"

"Watching TV."

She sighed, moving to sit on the coffee table in front of our couch.  "No, Gemma, I mean what are you doing here?  You promised Ryan to be in touch, he is worried sick about you."

"I lost my phone."I repeated, throwing my hand in the general direction of the last place I left my phone.  "You can now report back to your brother that I am fine.  I am alive."

"Barely." She muttered.  "When was the last time you ate?"

"This morning?"

"Gemma." She sighed, getting up, and yanking me up with her.  "Ryan didn't let you leave in your state of mind to let this happen to you.  Now I am going to make you something to eat, and I want to watch you eat it."

"Stop." I said, yanking my arm back, hitting my knuckles on the door jam in the process.  "Let's get this straight, okay?  Ryan didn't 'let me' anything.  I am a grown adult who can make her own decisions, her boyfriend does not give her permission to do anything.  Being there was not in the best interest of my mental health and those around me.  I am allowed to make my own decisions.  If that means holing myself in my house, not answering phone calls and doors, that is my business.  Now, you can leave.  Tell your brother I am fine." I growled, moving slightly so she could walk around me.