Always Have.....Always Will

CHAPTER 3: What Am I Doing?

●RYAN●

         What was I thinking?! I had the perfect opportunity to kiss her and I didn't. What the hell is wrong with me?!

          I could tell by the way she had her lips ready and her eyes closed that she wanted the kiss to happen. I wanted to do it also, so badly, but I was afraid I would have been moving too fast for her. And I didn't want that. I wanted our first kiss to be special. Because she wasn't just some girl. She was my everything.

         So I hesitated and just grabbed the remote from her hand instead.

         I was so pissed off at myself. I hope she didn't think I was teasing or rejecting her in any way. It took a lot for me to hold back.

        Once I leaned back on the couch, I heard Lynn come downstairs and look at me and then Lily.

         "You OK Lily?" She asked her.

         I looked over at Lily and noticed she had a look of sadness on her face. Shit! I thought to myself. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings.

        "Yeah. I'm good." Lily pretended and forced a smile on her face.

        "Ok. Well, we have to get going. We are gonna be late." Lynn said, not pushing the matter any further though she knew something was up.

        They said goodbye to me while heading out the door. I told them, 'later' but I didn't look at Lily. I was too upset with myself. So I just continued to watch my show.

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●LILY●

        He didn't look at me when saying goodbye. Maybe he was upset with me. Maybe he realized he didn't want to kiss me cause I wasn't his type.

        I don't blame him though. I'm not most peoples type. I was already used to being rejected. But because it was him, it hurt a little more.

    
        The day was almost over and there was a huge party tomorrow night at Michael's house.

        Michael was your typical stereotype popular kid. He was the captain of the La Cross team and always had the girls drooling over him. He had light brown, short hair that he always spiked. He had a medium build body type and his parents were like mine and Jason's. Meaning they were never home. They too had money and so he takes advantage of his empty house by throwing a party almost every weekend.

          I have never been to one. I'm not much of a drinker, for one thing and for another, I don't really have many friends.

         Lynn told me at lunch about how she still wasn't ready to tell her brother about her and Carlos. However, she wanted to take him to the party with us. She thinks it would be like having our own personal bodyguard.

          Though I barely knew him, I thought it was a good idea as well. Besides, it would be better than having Ryan there, being the over protective brother he is. We wouldn't be able to have much fun. Also, I was still a bit embarrassed from the 'almost kiss' we had earlier. I must have looked so stupid with my eyes closed and my lips prepared.

         I quickly shook my head of those thoughts and luckily, Lynn mentioned us going to the mall after school and picking outfits out for the party.

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         After picking out a little above the knee purple dress that showed off my curves great, but wasn't slutty. Lynn dropped me off at my house and told me that she would pick me up tomorrow at 5. Since the party started at 6.