No One Cares, When You're A Delinquent

I Don't Need You

Trigger Warning for this chapter!

          That night I didn't get much sleep. My bottom hurt so I couldn't sleep on my back like usual, and my stomach started to hurt again. I had to lie on my side, but I was just so uncomfortable that I couldn't sleep. I took sleeping pills to help, and downed it with warm milk to make me sleep. I needed sleep. I was exhausted. I really wanted to sleep, but for some reason I just couldn't and it was frusterating. I checked the alarm clock next to my bed, and it read 1:05am. As soon as I saw that, I became desperate, so I closed my eyes and steadied my breathing, trying to convince myself I was sleeping until I actually fell asleep.
     When I woke up the next morning, I was tired, of course. I drank a lot of coffee, about three or four cups, mixing a bit of energy drink into each cup. I ate peppermints to help my breath after I brushed my teeth and then I went to class. Today was a bit better than yesterday, I was more awake. But my head was killing me. What the heck happened to me?
When I was in tutoring, Daniel noticed I was heating up, but I told him it was because I was tired from gym class and manners class, but he called bullshit and tried to feel my forehead (he didn't actually curse though). I blocked his hand and glared down.
"I'm fine, let's just get back to work quickly so I can get it over with for the day" I said.
"Why won't you just let me check!? What if you're sick"
"If I were sick, I'm sure I'd know about it, I don't need you to check for me" I said. "Come on, I just wanna sleep so let's hurry up and finish"
"I think we can wrap up for today, get some rest" he said. I growled and clenched my fists, punching the wall when he left.
"I'm not a baby! I don't need you waltzing in trying to help me like as if you care! Just leave me the hell alone!" I shouted, punching the walls and stomping. I slowly fell to my knees crying once I became exhausted. My knuckles were purple and I couldn't open my hand.
"Fuck..." I whispered. "Why can't I ever...do anything right? Why..." I cried. I shook my head and looked at myself in the mirror near me. I'm just a sobbing mess. I forced myself to get up as I went to the bathroom. I hate it. I hate this image of myself whenever I look in the mirror. I just wanna go to sleep and never have to look at myself ever again. Frusterated, I grab my hair and cut it with a pair of siscors. I didn't care that it was uneven. I needed to take out my hatred on myself. My hair just happened to be the victim. But it wasn't enough. I instantly regretted cutting my hair after looking in the mirror. I looked awful with short hair, my tired face was more noticable.
"Fuck!" I shouted. "Why, why, why!? Why am I like this!?" I growled and punched the wall again. I grabbed the siscors again and cut my left shoulder, adding to the collection of scars without a care. I tearfully cut my arm until the blood trickled to the floor before washing it, and wiping the floor, and wrapping my arm in bandage. I left the bathroom, too angry to clean up the scattered hair. I just wanted to sleep, but before I did, I took one last look at myself in the mirror. The mere sight of myself made me break down. No more anger, no more saddness, just pure disappointment. Both of my parents were fair looking people, despite their personalities, so how did they manage to make me look so ugly? And my sister...she left without even telling me that she loves me! Was she ashamed of me? Was I not enough? Of coarse, I'm guilty of considering the idea of suicide, but I never went through with it because I had her by my side...now she's gone and I don't even know how she really felt about me. Why couldn't Maya see me as her strength, as I did her? Why didn't she live for my sake? Why? I needed her, and then she just left me! Stupid Maya! I hate you! But I can't deny that I miss you, so much...
"Maya..." I whimpered through tears. I couldn't hold my tears back anymore. Why am I the only one putting in so much effort to love me? Am I really that disappointing? Suddenly, I heard the door unlock. I jump, covering my mouth to stay quiet. Without thinking I rushed to my bathroom and locked the door, scared to be seen like this. I put the siscors away and grabbed a long sleeved shirt from my laundry basket. I slipped off my pajama shirt and put the long sleeve on, then put the short sleeve back on top so no one notices that it's not a pajama.
"Celia? I know you're awake, can you just come out" I recognized that voice as Daniel. I didn't answer, I didn't open the door. I just sat there, silent, hoping he'd go away.
"Celia! Come out! I'm just here to talk" he said calmly.
"Go away, I don't wanna talk I wanna sleep" I said.
"I doubt that's true, I could hear you yelling from my room! It's not too far from here, you should know this" he said.
"I don't care! Leave me alone!" I shouted.
"Excuse me? I came here to help! Not to argue with you Celia!" He snapped.
"Help?" I repeated.
"Yes"
"No thanks. Bye" I rejected.
"Celia I'm giving you 'till the count of three to come out"
"I don't remember rejecting any offers as a fault in the rulebook Daniel! I'm not doing anything wrong! I'm not coming out, and you can't do anything about it, now leave me alone please!!!" I shout angrily.
"Celia!" He shouted
"Daniel!" I shouted back.
"Celia, I'm not leaving this spot even if it takes me all night. Fall asleep in there, fine, but you have to get out soon, and when you do, we're gonna have a long talk" he said.
"Aaarghhh!!!" I grabbed my head in frusteration, punching the door hoping to let it all out. "Go away! Just go away! Why do you insist on staying here! I don't need you bothering me Daniel! Just leave me alone!" I shouted.
"Celia, why are you acting like this? What have I done to make you hate me so much?" He asked. Suddenly, I stopped. I don't hate Daniel, but I don't know how else to feel. I don't hate him, but I don't like him either.
"Just go away...I don't need you" I said, taking deep breaths.
"Please Celia, just let me help. I can't leave knowing you're not ok"
"Why do you even care!?" I asked.
"I just do! Celia won't you just trust me!?" he asked.
"I just can't Daniel, why won't you respect that?" I asked.
"I...I'm sorry" he said. He sounded like he was going to cry.
"Just...please go away Daniel" I said quietly.
"Fine" he said, opening the door and leaving without another word. I sighed and got out the bathroom, then passed out on my bed.
     The next day, I felt really sick. My throat burned, my stomach ached, my head was pounding, my nose was stuffed, and I was burning hot. I only barely made it through the day, but I did fall asleep in math and I dozed off in almost all my classes, so I'm definately in for a punishment when I see Daniel again. When I got to my dorm, Daniel suprisingly didn't look angry or naive, but more...sad. He avoided eye contact and he sighed a lot during tutoring. After my session was over, there was an awkward silence. I expected him to leave, but he just sat there, staring at a blank spot on the wall.
"Daniel? Um, tutoring is over" I said.
"Celia...why do you hate me?" He asked. Oh god, seriously!?
"I don't hate you, I just don't like you" I answered.
"Why? I'm not mean, I try my best to be nice and understanding" he answered.
"Listen, you're a grown man that I just met a few days ago, so I really don't care how nice you are, you shouldn't waste your time hoping that I'll grow to like you because I won't. I'm not interested in becoming friends with you!" I answered. Suddenly Daniel pulled me into a hug, crying into my shoulder.
"Daniel! I just said that-"
"I know...but I had a daughter who looked just like you...and you remind me so much of her" he cried. "I was scared...I thought I did something to make you react badly yesterday, and then you pushed me away...it feels like I'm seeing my daughter again, but this time she hates me" he said, trembling, and holding onto me for dear life. I felt guilty suddenly. Of coarse, the whole situation was awkward, but still, I couldn't help but feel bad.
"Please...even if you hate me...don't kill yourself like she did...I don't want to lose another person I care about" he said. My eyes widen at this. I needed to hear this. I needed someone to tell me that they cared, and that they didn't want me to kill myself. I felt a few tears roll down my face as I hug Daniel. I know it's weird to hug your teacher and cry, but I needed this for a long time.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry" I whispered. He rubbed my back and let me cry until I was ready to pull away.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered. I couldn't find anything else to say. He just hugged me and comforted me, but as soon as I parted, I felt dizzy...
And then everything turned black.