I'm still here

Chapter Five

        I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. I knew who it was, and I didn't care. I felt him start to breath beside my ear and I jumped slightly, but nothing he would notice.
"I can make it all go away. Just let me stay. Just say yes, and I will fix everything."
"I can do that myself." I barked. He regained his posture, but kept the hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.
"I can get rid of anyone or anything you've ever had a problem with. I can fix everything," he walked over to my wall, and waved a hand across it. All the foam padding returned to its former state, and the wall was back to normal. "That's just the tip of the iceberg. I can heal anything, even bring back the dead. You just need to say yes, and all that power is yours."
"No. I don't want any more of this. Leave." I stood up making it my message clear. I wanted him gone, and I didn't care what it took. I couldn't risk him hurting anyone. I now knew what he was actually capable of, and I didn't want any of it.
"Fine. I have another deal, I didn't want it to come to this, but I don't have a choice. If you don't say yes, I will kill your stupid girlfriend, and everyone you hold dear—in your body."
"You can't! I have to allow you to use me, I can kick you out," I was using logic from TV shows and games, panicked, hoping he wasn't telling the truth.
"You don't know how. Now, what is it? Yes, or no?" Thoughts were racing through my head, and I couldn't concentrated on one. He turned into smoke, and was about to take control over me again.
"Yes!! I'll do what you want! Don't hurt them!!" The smoke form stopped right in front of me, and there he was.
"Good choice," he backed away, and disappeared. I realised I had backed up against the wall. I slid down it, processing what had just happened. Slowly, the room returned back to normal, the smiley face on the ceiling was disappearing, but I wasn't paying attention to that. Signe wasn't safe. If he could just take control of me like that, Signe wasn't safe at all. I loved her so much, I didn't want her to leave, but I didn't want her to get hurt. Fuck! What do I do?!? I don't see any easy way out of this.
         I sat there, thinking, so long, I lost track of time. I would have to come clean and leave. But not quite yet. Maybe he would leave her alone. Maybe I was safe for now. The room looked perfectly in order again, and I sat down in my chair, deciding to play something to distract myself. I looked at what I had recently downloaded on Steam, and clicked on a game. I set the recording stuff up, just in case, and started. I didn't know if you could tell in the recording, but I was on the edge of my seat, jumping at every single noise. I was scared he was there again to ruin my life even more. I was stressed out beyond, and it may have seemed like I wasn't fully paying attention to the game. I finished the playthrough  without any interruptions from Anti, which seemed odd. He always poked at me, or made annoying noises, or made me see things if he really wanted attention. There was radio silence. It couldn't be good.
        The rest of the day, he left me alone, never popping in once. Maybe he had left? Ha. Wishful thinking. I almost avoided Signe just in case he took over and hurt her. I would have to come clean at some point, but she wouldn't believe me, and even if she did, she would think I was batshit crazy. When I went to bed, she was already fast asleep in her blanket burrito as I slipped into bed beside her. Hoping, praying, she would be fine in the morning.

One year later...

It had been so normal. Everything. How I missed it. Now I was always tired, always unhappy. Nothing brought me happiness anymore. I had no friends, unless you count that freak. My career was gone, and all of the people who I love. I had betrayed them. No, he had. That demon had. He ruined my life. He ruined everything. I never asked to be this way. Crazy. Untrustworthy. I was right in the middle of his bull shit. 'Chosen' he called it. Why me? Why did he have to come ruin my life? And ruin others'. All the people I've hurt... I don't want to think about it. I guess it's not a good idea to continuously mock something as great as Antisepticeye.

        I sat on my couch, daydreaming. Anti was off somewhere destroying something. The wall was covered in dirt and scratch marks. Designs fit for horror movies filled the whole room, mixed with phrases an Emo teen would repeat. 'die', 'DEaTH TO aLL', 'YOu WILL aLL PeRISH', really inspirational stuff like that. I stood up and walked up to my window, and looked out. I had moved back to my old apartment in Ireland and left the house to Signe. She deserved it. After all I had put her through before I left. Anti never laid a finger on her, but I had to explain why I decided to pack up and leave in the middle of our relationship. Just thinking about it I felt like I had been punched in the chest. Pain and sorrow were one of the more popular emotions for me now. Everything outside was very familiar, the way people walked through the streets, the chatter of happy people on the warm summers day. It was busier than usual, Ireland never gets sun. Like ever. As I was leaning on the window frame, I checked up on my phone. I didn't do YouTube anymore, which was another incredibly hard decision to make, but I still watched other people. I scrolled through my subscription feed to see what was new in a world I wasn't very familiar with anymore. Felix was still uploading Try Not to Laugh Challenges, but Mark hadn't uploaded anything today. I switched over to Twitter, a good place for quick news. It had been a while since I'd been on, so it was going to be impossible to sort through everything. Felix was still complaining about everything, but Mark didn't have anything on Twitter either. Kind of strange, but it's his channel. I put my phone back in my pocket and wandered through the apartment to see what Anti was up to. I hated him, but he was my only company. He was sitting on the floor with a few arrows through his chest, and he was poking at them. As disturbing as it looked, it was a regular activity when he was bored. He said 'the pain made him stronger', but that was also a very Emo thing to say.
         "What is it?" He grumbled, not looking at me.
         "Nothing," I said, acting offended at his tone.
         "If you want to speak with me, you want something, what is it?" He looked up slowly, his glowing and normal eye staring daggers.
         "Can't I just come check in with you? Jesus, who pissed in your cereal," he rolled his eyes and went back to his disturbing activity. I wheeled around and went back to the living room. The door to my old office creaked open, and I was tempted to go in. I had avoided it for a very long time on purpose, too many painful memories that were too fresh to have healed over. I'm going to have to face this one day. I took a step forward, put my hand on the handle, but stopped before I opened it, considering the decision again. I shook off all the opposing thoughts, and stepped inside. It smelled like old things, and maybe something dead. I covered my nose, flicked on the light, and suddenly so many memories came flooding back. A year and a half goes by quick, doesn't it? I ran my hand across the dusty wall and I could feel the adhesive used to keep the black foam stuck to the wall leftover. The room looked naked—no shelf, no gaming systems, no tangles and tangles of cords. The old desk was still there though, right in front of the window. Someone had placed a cheap wheely chair by the desk, probably for selling the apartment. I sat down, and opened up the window easily, not having to avoid two large monitors that had been there previously. The refreshing breeze blew through the room, making it a little less stuffy and bad-smelling. I sat back and observed. My hands rested on the desk just like they had, one on mouse, the other on keyboard. As I looked around remembering my old career, I realised how quiet it had become.
        "Anti?"
        "What?" he snapped.
        "Just wanted to make sure you were still there," what a bitch. I heard him grumble something, but I couldn't make it out. I put my hands behind my head and relaxed. Hey, this wasn't that bad. I heard the flap of wings outside, and I looked to see if that one Pigeon I had named 'Sir Pigeon the Brave' was there. I didn't see any birds. I heard I gigantic crash, and the whole room shook. That was from the next room. Jesus Christ, what now?