Your Forgotten

• xx •

Dedicated to sakeenahtoefy for being such an absolute sweetheart and reading this book with all of her heart. Thank you so much Sakee ❤

════════════

(part 3)

It wasn't the first strike of the match that led to the fire.

No. Sparks flew countless of times before but it wasn't just enough to start a fire. But this last strike had caused a raging flame inside of me that heated up my chest and clouded my reasoning with black smoke, just like the haze of tears that blurred my vision as I continued to run faster and faster.

The images filled my head and the violent throbbing in my chest accelerated with every contact my legs made with the concrete.

Pictures of me hitting Samantha as she cried for me to let her go, wrapped itself around my conscience and squeezed. Pictures of tears and snot falling from her face stabbed my heart with its jarred edges. Her cries had infuriated me even more and I hit her across the cheek harder as her pleas got louder.

I wanted her to stop being a baby and listen for once. I wanted her to keep quiet and understand but like everyone she wouldn't listen to me.

I didn't want to beat her the way I did, but I was so angry at her for letting herself bring dragged around like a doll by everyone.

She was so vulnerable and I hated her for it. The way she let herself break down before me disgusted me further and I couldn't handle her tears.

I didnt want to leave her with a swollen face, a busted lip and an almost broken rib.

I didn't want to but I did. So I told myself that she made me do it because she wore her emotions and feelings on her fingertips and was too gullible to see that she was destroying herself.

I told myself that you made me do it because you ruined my life by allowing him come back. Because you were too stressed out about every other thing to worry about me anymore, you never cared to hear about my day like you used to, you stopped taking me seriously, you responded to my feelings with nonchalance.

Having a bad day at school and coming home to you either shutting me out, fighting with that man or simply not being there at all became as normal clear blue skies on a sunny day. Then you sent me to rot in that dormitory, completely forgotten.

It was so easy to think that everything that happened to me, to my mates I picked on, to Samantha was because you made me this way. It was so easy to shift the heavy responsibility of my actions to someone else. It was so easy to shut down my nagging conscience with that simple justifying mantra.

It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's. Not. My. Fault.

But today when I held that umbrella like a lethal weapon, I didn't stop. Not once, not twice. I flogged him with that umbrella even as he was helpless to retaliate. I wouldn't have stopped if you hadn't called me.

Why? Because I enjoyed it.

Because it felt like a splash of cold water on the raging inferno in my chest every time I hit him. It felt so... Right.

Doesn't it make me as much of a monster as he is?

They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree but I don't want to be a monster ma.

What happened to me ma?

I keep saying that you've changed but I'm not your little angel anymore, am I?

Is this the reason you don't love me like you used to anymore? Do you see a demon possessed child when you look at me ma?

I just want to understand why everything is happening this way.

After running for so long, my aching legs gave out on the concrete and I sat there in the middle of the road with dim lights from streetlamps to illuminate my path.

I didn't know when when the rain started  falling in torrents because the tears that were streaming down my face were enough to drown me.

I don't know how I was able to find an old uncompleted church building and I took cover.

And inside that large building, I wept.

I broke down like I'd never done before. I felt shaken to my core. The intensity of my cries made my bones feel like it was shattered. I felt like a broken million pieces. I felt ashamed for my self.

I wept for what I've become. For what we've become.

Two empty ghosts of our former lives.

But who's fault is it, if not ours ma?

When the rain had finally reduced to a drizzle, I stuffed back my broken pieces into my empty shell and headed back home.

Back home to you. To him. To all our burdens waiting with open arms. ,

••••••••

Wattpad just gave me the Worst Author Of The Year Award.

I'M SORRREEEEEE (that's not how to spell it but it's befitting for how sorry I am.)

I even had to apologize to Mola for neglecting her story for my own selfish reasons for as long as I have.

And she has forgiven me (I sound kinda creepy now) I hope you will to.

*inserts puppy dog eyes*

The next chapter will be up in a matter of minutes. Just hold on :)