Destiny Drew Us Together

Missing Him

Already? There's the alarm. It's been a lonely two weeks without Christopher. Why couldn't Pride have sent Gregorio to LA instead of Chris? After all she speaks Spanish. It would have come in handy working the Mexican Federal Police. It's been six weeks since the Essence Festival and our joining at the hip.

Well one thing Chris' being away allowed me some one on one time with Gregorio. I could ignore her snips, comments and questions much longer with Christopher around. I was able to tell her just enough to pacify her but I did really mean it when I thanked her for 'us' that night and making the two us to verbally express what we were feeling for each other. It has erased the tension between the two of us and brought me a peace that I don't remember having since I went to college.

Every night after our shift we were able to laugh and talk. Neither of us had ever told anyone of some of the intimate details of our life experiences. And while we were great partners on the job before, this new familiarity has improved both our 'games'.

There is still some hurt down there about Savannah. If this goes farther, I would suspect that he will tell me about why he left her and came to 'Nola. I deduced that there was something going on between Chris and his father by some signals that he was giving the first time we talked about it.

I have room to talk. I have never told him about my stepfather and why I hated him so. He never said another word about it after he picked me up at the airport when I came back after he died. When he did ask me about it, I told him that I wanted to talk as much as he did about Tucker. And Tucker is another conversation we need to have. I see the hurt in his face so I will just leave it alone for right now.

Tammy had come through time after time for the team professionally and personally. She kept Chris' secret about Tucker for weeks and unbeknownst to me she often tried to make him confront his feelings for me. He told me that her calm voice about the sleeping around and Pride's professional and fatherly concern helped him get through the before and after Savannah's death, Tucker and Melody.

Heading off to work I get into the car and KMEZ radio is playing Roberta Flack's 'Killing Me Softly'.

As I perused the words, I could see my, I mean our, story woven into it.

Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words, killing me softly with his song

I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style
And so I came to see him and listen for a while
And there he was this young boy, a stranger to my eyes

Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words, killing me softly with his song

I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud
I prayed that he would finish but he just kept right on

Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words, killing me softly with his song

He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair
And then he looked right through me as if I wasn't there
And he just kept on singing, singing clear and strong

Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words, killing me softly with his song

I don't remember Christopher getting into my heart. Like the song says, it was bit by bit, the softness of his voice, the timely advice, even his reactions to and interaction with Tucker. Chris looked past all that 'dirt' and found the real me in the heap. Even through his own pain Christopher had reached out me. I was just too hurt and angry to receive it at first. He told me one night that he found me to be like an onion and had to peel off one layer at a time. I'm glad that he persisted through the stink of my life and the difficulty of the task. For a year I had trusted Christopher LaSalle with my life and now I had found that I could trust him with my heart as well.