The liveshow // phan

The liveshow - continued

Phil's POV

Me and Dan made our way up the stairs. It felt like we were doing a death march, the nervous silence was killing me. We were never like this. But somehow neither of us could think of what to say in this moment.
We got to Dan's desk and I pulled the stool over from his piano. Meanwhile, Dan got settled back into his chair and said "I've got Phil guys, oh my god," he said laughing, "the comments are crazy, these stories..." he paused. "Wow. You guys have creative imaginations I guess" he tried to laugh but it sounded forced and I could sense a glimpse of sadness in his tone.
I sat down and slotted my fingers into his. I squeezed his hand. He looked at me and smiled. Here we go; heart eyes Howell and love eyes Lester. There's no point in trying to hide it now though. What we were about to say would change or lives forever.
*
After one too many awkward silences and nervous laughs I decided it was time. There was no point in postponing it any longer.
I shuffled on the stool, my back was starting to ache from the lack of support that Dan's small piano stool was providing. I cleared my throat and gently placed my left hand on Dan's knee.
He looked at me and I nodded.
Dan's face dropped but he knew that we couldn't hold it off any longer.
"So, lets get to what all of you are here for. Well at least, I don't think you're here for the awkward silences." I started, laughing, trying to set the mood.
Dan chuckled nervously but I could tell the awkwardness was starting to lift from his mind.
*
Dan's POV

Thank god Phil started the conversation with a subtle joke or I don't think I would've physically been able to process any words to even consider talking.
He could tell I was still mute in the ever lifting awkward atmosphere so he continued:
"As you all know, in early April me and Dan went on a trip to Singapore." He paused.
"But that isn't what we're here to talk about. We're here to talk about what happened the weekend before and the real reason we went on that trip."
He looked at me and I knew, I was the only one who could truly tell this story to it's full potential.
We both knew that I had to explain this bit. No one else could. I mean, it was me who started it after all.
I took a deep breath and started talking.
                                        *
"I guess I have to start all the way back in October 2009. I know, I know, fetus phan. God. Everyone knew. From the first PINOF video. The first word. The debut of 'heart eyes Howell'. You've known since then. 'The phandom', sure, it started as a fandom, just nice comments and complements on how much you loved our videos. But then it turned into more. A ship. 'Phan' became our ship name. A dirty word. Something we used very cautiously. Until..."
My speech trailed off, we never talked about this, it was hard to even say.
"Until 2012" Phil continued. Choking on the last syllable.
"It's the year no one talks about. The year when 'Dan and Phil' as a ship, as Youtubers, and as friends, almost broke. The year that the phandom got too much." He continued, struggling to get to the end.

Phil's POV

I looked at Dan. His eyes were glazed over and there was tears rolling down his cheeks. I rested my hand on his chin and gently pulled his head to face mine. Using my spear hand I wiped the drying tears from under his eyes.
He looked so vulnerable, so sad. It broke my heart all over again. Just like that day in 2012 when I thought my life was over.

Dan's POV

I couldn't help it. The tears just fell out of my eyes uncontrollably. Phil was holding my chin and we were looking into each other's eyes. He looked so good. Oh fuck it. There was no harm in doing anything on camera now. We'd already gone too far.
I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss. He instantly started kissing back, obviously thinking the same as me; there was no point in hiding it anymore.
I pulled away and glanced at the comments; sure enough they were going crazy with comments such as:
'OMG IM CRYING'
'MY PHANGIRL HEART'
'PHAN IS REAL AAAAAA'
It almost made me laugh; it seemed surreal. They knew, we could finally be ourselves on camera and in public. We wouldn't have to confine our true selves to the walls of our apartment. It didn't really begin to process for a couple of days.
*
Phil looked at the computer.
His face broke into one of the biggest smiles I'd ever seen and small tears started to fall down his face.
He looked at me and smiled.
"Well. Now that's out there, I guess we should get onto the actual story. Not that you really care anymore." I laughed. I felt so happy but I could feel the nervousness growing in my stomach with every breath.
Phil leant in and poked my dimple.
"I've always been mesmerised by your smile. Well, your dimples to be more specific."

Phil's POV

In the midst of the previous events the reason I was actually here had slipped out of my mind. Until Dan mentioned it again that is.
My heart started racing, adrenaline was pumping around my body with immense speed. My thoughts were all jumbled, I had so much to say and I couldn't seem to pick out the right words for what I was meant to be talking about.
Dan must have realised my struggle and decided to take it upon himself, as planned, to recite the events from the weekend that changed us forever.

Dan's POV

It seemed almost alien like explaining such a monumental weekend in me and phil's relationship to millions of viewers live.
The words came out all jumbled and quiet at first but then the memories started to reappear in my brain, in full colour; every moment, word and movement easily recalled.
The words stared to come out easily. Maybe too easily. Maybe too fast. I stopped. Phil was looking at me, smiling.
Our eyes met and he nodded, "Carry on. I thought you were doing a good job" he laughed.
So I continued, telling this story felt like a massive weight was being lifted off of my chest. It felt like I could breathe again.
I kept rambling on, describing everything in full detail until I got to the main part, all of the previous was just the start, simple little details that didn't really matter, now it was time for me to explain the actual event and that's when the nervousness exploded inside of me.
                                        *
All of a sudden the words and memories seemed to disappear and I was back in the office, live streaming to millions of fans. Telling them this story. And I couldn't talk.
My hands started shaking and my breathing got faster. I saw Phil's gaze drift towards my hands as he called my name.
His voice seemed distant. As if he was in the next room shouting for me.
"Dan are you ok?" He said again. I could just about hear his words but the panic and worry in his voice was clear.
My legs were shaking. I could barely control my hands and my breathing was speeding up by the second.
I was scared. Terrified actually.
Phil looked at the camera and I could just about hear him saying "Ummm, were going to have to go now. So, umm... maybe we'll come back later?" He looked back at me with fear in his eyes.
"Err, bye guys" he said, quickly ending the live show.

AN // I know that I'm uploading quickly but, like I said, I have a lot of free time and I'd written this chapter so why not.
Again, please comment any improvements/criticism as long as they're constructive and please vote for this story if you liked it!
I'm writing the next chapter now so it'll probably be up tonight or tomorrow.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, bye! :)