Save Me -> Kim Taehyung

Chapter 15: Numb

I watch the sun slowly climb through the morning's blue sky while I wait to get up for school. I didn't sleep at all after that infernal nightmare woke me up. I know I said I wouldn't cry, but I did. Somehow I managed to stay quiet about it and didn't wake up Taehyung. I check my phone and the time reads 6:40 a.m.

I sigh. I notice my left sleeve got pulled up a bit and the gauze on my arm peaks from under it. I quickly pull the soft fabric down my arm to hide the gauze again. I hear soft hums from the person next to me and turn to look at Taehyung, who is still sleeping. I look at his angelic face and smile a little. I still can't believe that we are together, but I doubt that will last when he finds out what I did. I'm not that cheerful, out going girl that he fell in love with anymore. In fact, I am almost the opposite.

I don't want to, but I have to wake him up. "Baby, it's time to wake up," I say. He opens his eyes and looks at me. "Good morning," I say. "Good morning," he says back. He sits up and looks at me a little closer. "What's wrong," I ask. "It happened again didn't it," he asks quietly and puts a hand on my cheek. "What happened," I ask, even though I know full well what he is talking about. "You know what I am talking about Y/N," he says.

He looks at me with his big, brown, doe eyes. I have to look away because if I don't, I will break and spill my guts. "Yes," I reply in a soft voice. "Why didn't you wake me up," he asks. "Because you needed to sleep," I say," I've woken you up because of this nightmare at least three times. And that's just this week. Every time you stay up taking care of me, you end up not sleeping. I have to learn to deal with it on my own."

"I'm not doing much better than you are," he points out," Everytime you don't wake me up, you stay up all night." "That's my point," I say," I'm dragging you down with me and I don't want to." "I told you that I am okay with it," he says. "But I'm not. I'm not okay with keeping you up all night over a stupid nightmare," I tell him. "Yeah. Just a stupid nightmare. A stupid nightmare that scares you to the point where you are crying and afraid to sleep at night," he argues.

Even though we are arguing right now, I can hear the corncern in his voice loud and clear. It makes me feel guilty about everything and even more so for not telling him.  "But it's not real. It's like getting scared of a horror movie, it's pointless," I say. "Yeah, but you can turn a movie off. You have no control over the nightmare," he protests.

I hate this. I hate that we are arguing over this. I hate fighting with him. It makes me feel guilty. It reminds me of my nightmare when he yells for having to comfort me all the time, even if we are arguing because he can't comfort me. Images of it flash in my mind and scare me a little. I bring my knees to my chest and hold them there while I put my head on them. "Please stop," I murmur,"I don't like fighting with you, so please just stop."

*Taehyung's POV*

"But it's not real. It's like getting scared of a horror movie, it's pointless," she says. "But you can turn a movie off. You have no control over the nightmare," I explain to her. I know she is worried about me getting enough sleep because she wakes me up sometimes, but I'm okay with it. I know about everything that happens in her nightmare and how scared she is of it.

Her two worst fears are us leaving her and something bad happening to us because of her. And she has to deal with a nightmare about us leaving her that is so realistic she's scared to sleep multiple times a week. I would happily stay up to make sure she's okay, but she won't listen.

She really hasn't been herself for a couple of months. She hasn't been eating, talking, or sleeping. She cries much more often and she always thinks that everything is her fault. And she often talks badly about herself, saying that she is annoying or that we have every reason to leave her.