Letting Go

3

Its been two days since we arrived at our new house and we finally finished decorating most of the house. I must admit, I'm loving my new bedroom. I even have my own ensuite. I have pretty much finished decorating my room so at the moment I'm happily chilling out on my bed re-reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix for the one hundredth time until Saoirse comes barging into my room.

"Come on Ailbhe, we have five days of summer left and your seriously wasting the days away by sitting on your ass reading, come on lets go to the pier". she says restlessly.

"Excuse me but don't even think about saying reading Harry Potter is a waste of a day, its probably more productive than what you have been doing" I retaliate.

"Actually I was making a new top aka the one I'm wearing right now". she says proudly as she does a twirl to show me.

"Oh my God Saoirse Its amazing, I thought you were just wearing a new one". It was a cute black bralette which she has paired with a denim button down skirt and gladiator sandals. She looks great as always. Saoirse has a huge talent for designing clothes and hopes to become a professional designer one day.

"Thanks Al now please get changed and come with me". She begs.

"Fine but just for an hour or so okay".  I told her.

"Oh and I hear a lot of parties go on here at the end of summer so maybe dress up a little okay" She adds quickly then runs out of the room.

I could actually kill her, she knows that I absolutely hate parties especially ones that involve people I don't know. If she drags me to a party she knows how I will react, but I begin to get ready anyway.

I give myself a once over before I leave my room to join Saoirse downstairs. My brown hair is hanging in loose curls by my shoulder, my green eyes a little brighter due to the wonderful effect of eyeliner and mascara, I put a little foundation on to cover my redness due to my spots and I put on a little lip balm to finish up the look. My outfit is pretty simple, I just threw on a pair of jeans and a body with my trusty white converse.

Its around eight o clock when we head down to the beach.

"I really don't know about this Saoirse, If I feel like something is going to go wrong I'm going to leave okay" I tell her with certainty that I'm going to receive another panic attack.

"I really wish I could control them but I cant" I tell her for the millionth time.

"Its okay, I wish I could understand but I cant so just tell me if you start to panic and we will leave right away I promise and besides for all we know the beach could be a ghost town" she tries to reassure me. 

How wrong she was, once we arrived at the beach all that filled my sights were teenagers and drink. My pulse started to beat rapidly. Right now all I can hear is my heart beating. It will be fine, It will be fine, It will be fine, I say over and over until I start to believe it.

"Are you okay" Saoirses voice is laced with concern.

"Yeah sorry I just needed to reassure myself for a minute, as you said before I need to do this or things will never change for me.

After a few minutes of relaxing and calming myself down, Saoirse and I finally walked down to the beach. I don't know where Saoirse gets all this confidence from but I most certainly didn't receive any. She starts to confidently walk up to a group of people around the bonfire on the beach whilst I stop following her and go find a less busy spot and sit on the sand. I watch as Saoirse confidently chats amongst the group like they are old friends, they offer her a drink and she takes it. Our parents would kill her if they saw her, but that's Saoirse for you she is so carefree. Sometimes I really do envy her.

Its been a good half an hour and I have zero ideas as to where Saoirse is but I don't worry because I know she can look after herself. I'm suddenly wishing I had brought my book with me because this evening isn't turning out so bad. Its nice to sit back, relax and watch from the distance.

So once I hit the hour mark I realised no one even notices me or people are to drunk to care so I decided to lie down on the sand and close my eyes just until my sister rings me to say she is ready to go home. The minute I hear footsteps I immediately feel my pulse quicken as I become nervous of who it may be. I look up to see a very familiar inquisitive face looking down at me.

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