I Thought You Were Different: Part 5

Sleep

Tony turned to you, feeling as if it could be the last time with the destruction he couldn't fathom only feet from where you stood, and he pulled you in as close as his suit would allow. He could lean forward just enough to leave a gentle kiss on your forehead, in the spot where he was now pressing his head to yours. His breathing was slow and rhythmic, and you were envious of his calm; it was a ruse, and you knew that, but if you could take any strength from even his barely maintained façade, then you would.

"Thank you for letting me be your dad," he whispered, his voice coarse and strained. It was a product of not only his pain, but the pure heat from the flames that had erupted in every direction as trees and buildings burned away to nothing. "Thank you for the family that you've shared with me. Thank you showing me how to live."

"Dad..."

"I love you," he pulled back with a struggling smile, "more than anything else."

"I love you, too. I could never have asked for a better father. You made me who I am today, and I'm so proud to be your daughter."

"Okay," he nodded definitively, a quiet sniffle heard before he closed his helmet and turned towards the compound again. He knew that he had to disengage his heart from this, or he wouldn't survive the first step inside the compound and the sight of his friends meeting their fates. "I'll see you on the other side, (Y/N)."

You pulled the katana that Wade had given you from their sheaths on your back, spinning them in your hands until they found just the right fit. You let your feelings go, burying the emotion as deeply as you could so that it wouldn't hinder your ability, and you readied yourself as much as you could for what you were about to see in the battlefield that had been your home. You couldn't look at it that way anymore, or you would break before you could even begin.

"Let's send him into hell screaming, Tony."

"Steve!" You bolted up in bed with a loud gasp, loud enough to wake your snoring spouse at you side, your sweat-soaked hair stuck to your face and neck. You couldn't open your eyes; you were locked into this nightmare, and your body could still feel the heat from the debris of that imagined compound that you had run willingly into. The air felt as if it were being pulled from your chest, and you couldn't find your breath, the strain of your racing heart not letting your muscles expand to take any in. With a toss of the blankets aside to cool your body, you tried to stand up just to not feel the sheets sticking to your skin, but your fear had taken your strength as well, and you toppled to your knees on the floor.

"Hey, woah, (Y/N), wake up," Steve urged, hurrying around the bed to kneel at your side. "(Y/N), you're dreaming. Open your eyes for me, honey."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can. Come on, (Y/N), whatever you're seeing, it isn't real."

"I can hear..." you began to cry, "I can hear the kids...our friends..."

Steve had no idea what you were seeing in your mind, but he already knew that he wasn't ready to hear the details that you were about to share; at least not until you pulled yourself back and realized that your pain wasn't real. The look on your face chilled him, and the sense of dread that this might not be just a nightmare poked at his thoughts. "(Y/N)," he tried again, only this time he grabbed your arms and gave you a firm shake, "look at me right now."

"Steve, that felt...it was so real," you panted, struggling to follow his command, but not wanting to have that unexpected moment happen when you might realize that you really were in that hell that your mind created. Keeping your eyes tightly shut felt protective, despite Steve being so close to you that he was practically holding you in his arms. You tried to not shudder under his touch, so that he knew you felt safe there, but your body wasn't yours to control right now.