Am I Going Crazy

(4) Change Of Plans

❧Jonathan

8:00 - wake up

8:00-8:30 - get ready for the day

8:30-9:15 - eat breakfast in lunchroom

9:15-10:00 - group therapy 1

10:00: - take SSRI meds

10:00-10:30 - alone time

10:30-11:30 - meet with Corey

I put my pen down, sighing.

The fact that I had to add Corey dampened my spirits lower than Mr. Crahan's IQ. And that's saying something.

I think what bothered me the most is that I took Corey's words into consideration. "I wanna help you Jonathan." He had said to me, before leaving the room.

That part took my off guard. Because Mr. Fehn had told me that the therapy sessions would last an hour. And me and Corey's tencious banter only lasted five minutes...

I pushed the notebook aside, feeling emotionally drained from the time and energy I put into Corey's short words.

I was glad though, when I felt no anxiety attacks before going to bed.

Maybe I did believe Corey's words...

And with that thought, I kept the light on, and tried to fall asleep.

~¤~

"Hey!" My step-mother called before I could walk out the front door.

"What?" I grumbled, keeping myself from lashing out at her.

There was a pause for a second, causing more thick tension to fill the room.

"I looked onto the computer yesterday. Found some intersting things on its history." She sneered.

Immediate panic coursed through my body. But I tried to keep my voice steady.

"L-like what?" I asked, mentally cursing when I heard the shakiness in my voice.

When she answered, her voice dripped with venom as she said the two words.

I didn't say anything in response, I just waitied for her to start spitting insults my way.

I had mentally made a plan for today. I would listen to her encyclopedia of homophobic insults, go to school, try and ignore the bullies there and-

She backhanded me across my face.

I put my hands on my burning cheek, my eyes widening when I saw my step-mother from hell face to face with me.

"So you like watching that huh?" She said, hitting me face again.

I didn't say anything in response, which earned me another slap.

"You like watching two faggots doing that to eachother?"

The only response I could muster at that was, "I-I uhm..."

She gripped my right wrist tightly, her polished nails digging roughly into my skin.

I turned away from her helplessly as I stifled a wimper.

"Oh shut up you queer," she grabbed the back of my neck, and threw me up the stairs.

"Stay there." She growled, pulling the phone off of the wall and quickly dialed a number.

The phone rang a couple of times, and I heared a pitchy female voice on the other line.

No...

"Hello Christina." My step-mother said darkly, staring at me as she did so.

And just like that, my world stopped spinning.

"No!" I screamed, reaching up to try the phone from her, and she hit me again.

"Could you do me a favor and watch Jonathan for a while?" She said, twirling the cord with her finger.

At this point, I was sobbing against the floor, and she shushed me in response.

When she finished her call, she nudged me with her leg.

"Oh stop being such a girl," she mused, stepping over my hunched body, "Christina's a friend, and she said she loves hanging out with you."

I cried even harder while I roughly clutched my hair.

She was going to do it again...

While I'd just lay there helplessly.

~¤~

"No!" I screamed, thrashing against the small bed.

Shit, shit, shit, shit. I cannot let this happen again.

When the nurses ran in, it was all a blur. They held me down, injected the needle in my skin, and I eventually fell back into a hazy sleep.

Dammit...

When I fell back asleep, my thoughts wavered into calmer things. Like what I should draw in my notebook next, or whether I should talk to Brian Welch tomorrow.

Then my thoughts traveled to Corey again. Contemplating on whether I should open up to him at all. I mean if I did, it would be only a little.

No, my thoughts argued, he's only here because he'll get more money for talking to me. He doesn't really care.

There was a pang in my chest that discarded those words. Maybe Corey did want to help me. There was something something about the bluntness in his words that gave me some self assurance.

After a while, I had formulated a plan. I'll hear Corey out, while I stay on my guard at the same time. And if he leaves after he gets his payment, then I won't be bothered by him leaving.

Yeah...sounds like a plan.

❧