Am I Going Crazy

(6) A.D.I.D.A.S.

❧Jonathan

Holy shit he's strangling me!

No you idiot, my brain argued with itself, he's hugging you.

Phew! He's just hugging me.

Wait...why is he hugging me!?

I just stood there, my body completely stiff as Corey kept his arms firmly around my frame.

Why...?

To say that I blushed deeply would be an understatement, because I was practically fuming with embarrassment as Corey's grip tightened.

I let out a shaky breath. "Wh-wh..." I didn't know what to say.

An odd mixture of nervousness and another incomprehensible feeling filled up my body, and I sharply inhaled.

I felt the stubble of Corey's jaw against the side of my neck, and there was something about the unintentional action that left me satisfied.

Fuck...this was just so...odd. Normally I would scream and squirm and thrash around whenever someone would touch me; regardless of the amount of skin that met my own. It was just the fact that someone was touching me against my own will.

Wait...maybe that's what made this so different. Because the only people who typically touched me were the nurses whenever I have one of my mental breakdowns.

But with Corey, I didn't feel that at all. I can't say I feel good about my reaction to him holding me, but I can't say I feel bad about it either.

"Jonathan." Corey mumbled, breaking my train of thoughts.

I hummed against his shoulder in response, and he shuddered.

There was a pause between us, and I locked my gaze onto my lamp next to my bed.

"I'm not asking you to trust me, but you need to know that I'm going to help you. I know that doesn't really make sense but just...just believe that one aspect."

There was silence (again) between us for a couple of minutes, and I thought of a way to break the silence.

"Okay..." I said finally in the most tentative way. I had wanted to say something else to make this less awkward, but I knew it was no use.

I thought about Corey's words for the second time, and this time, I let myself fall into his luring promise. Even thought he might be lying through his teeth.

A small part of me wanted to fully believe him, but the rest of me wasn't having it. And even though I was going to let my relationship with my therapist play itself out, I still remained skeptical.

After that, Corey pulled away all too soon, and I tried to stifle a whimper.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I had let Corey practically cradle me like a newborn for a whole half-hour! And I still wanted him to stay around me after that.

Ugh, my inner-queer was raging within me.

I mentally cringed. What if Corey turned out to be a homophobic asshole? I'm sure the doctors didn't put that in my files. Unless they thought that homosexuality is a disease too...

"Jonathan?"

I looked up at Corey, nervousness building up in my chest. "Yeah?"

He looked at me thoughtfully, "What's something that you like?"

I thought for a moment, knowing that he had tried having this conversation with me before.

I tried my hardest not to think about...other things, as I thought of what I had an interest in before I had to move into this hell-hole.

And finally, I mustered up the courage to share my answer.

"I like A.D.I.D.A.S."