Drowning In Air, A Jian / Bian Story

"i was so stupid."

"It all started five months ago."

Bobby tilted his head to the side, ready to listen. Kian inwardly prayed that this wouldn't mess up anything the two boys shared. Kian generally liked him and hoped for something in the future. He knew though, that in order for that to happen, he would have to cut Jc off completely.. and he didn't know if he was ready for that.

Kian shook his head to clear his thoughts, focusing more on how he would explain this to the boy he now liked.

"It was before you moved in." Kian added. Bobby nodded and waited patiently while Kian gathered his thoughts. Focused, calm, always there for him. Kian had to stop himself from listing more traits he loves about the shorter boy and focused on the task at hand. The messy task.

"Okay,.." He exhaled tiredly. "you know how Jc and I have been friends for like five years?" Kian didn't wait for a response. "Well, I've always kind of had a thing for him. It was never serious," he rushed out as Bobby's gentle eyes furrowed. "we were never really a thing. I always assumed he was straight. Or he is straight?" Kian rubbed his head and Bobby nodded again.

"Anyways, we never really seriously flirted until like last year. And even then, I still assumed he was straight." Kian closed his eyes and sighed, his eyes watering as he thought about those great memories he shared with the curly haired boy. Kian was on the verge of not only losing the guy he liked for the past year, but his best friend, and that's what hurt the most.

Kian felt Bobby's hand wipe away a tear, and he opened his eyes. Bobby had a faint smile on his face, that Kian instantly mirrored. He took a shaky breath. "Okay, how do I say this?"

"About five months ago, we slept together."

Bobby's hand froze against Kian's cheek briefly, but he continued to wipe away tears. He'd mentally prepared himself for the worst, and this definitely wasn't the worst. The truth is, Bobby had a pretty serious crush on Kian, that he thought was mutual. But he didn't play games, and if Kian had something going on with Jc currently, then he didn't want a part of it.

"I thought.. I thought that meant that he liked me too." Kian's eyes filled with water again and he started crying, remembering that perfect night. "I thought.. we were special, you know?"

"Yeah." Bobby's voice was barely a whisper, but Kian hung onto it.

"But Jc doesn't think sex is special, or important. The next morning he yelled at me. He told me he would never have feelings for me and that he was straight." Kian's voice cracked as he vividly remembered the morning that his heart was broken. Bobby hugged him again, as Kian cried.

He understood where Kian's pain came from. Kian was simple, in a way. Sex was an intimate, special thing that only two people who loved each other shared. If you don't love someone, then don't go there with them. The problem is that Kian can be a little daft in that same area.

Jc obviously doesn't feel the same way. To him, sex was just another thing that two people could do together. Feelings don't have to be involved. Jc has said that before, but Kian gets a little blind when he likes someone. He always sees the good in people, which can ultimately be a good thing or a bad thing.

In this case, a bad thing.

"Is that it?" Bobby asked after Kian pulled away and wiped his nose. Reluctantly, the taller boy shook his head.