Drowning In Air, A Jian / Bian Story

"i'm so fucked up over you."

Please read the author's note at the end of the chapter. It explains part of why I've been so bad with updating and staying motivated, but I really want to start creating again.

Enjoy.

•••••

Third Person*

"Kian?"

Several knocks later, and still no response. Bobby wiggled the door knob. Locked. The three boys all gave each other different looks. Bobby worried, Jc guilty, Corey confused- but there was nothing they could do but wait for the lanky boy to come out.

A few hours later, and it was dark out. All three of the boys sat in the living room, editing various videos. Kian stayed locked in his room.

"Guys, what do you think I should do about the vid-"

"Cut it out." Bobby interrupted Jc, referring to Kian's "coming out" portion of their latest video. Jc narrowed his eyes, eyes flashing at the smaller boy. "I mean cut out that part of the video." Bobby amended, and Jc nodded. The glint stayed stubbornly in his brown eyes, though. Bobby averted his eyes to his own editing, the air thick with awkward tension now.

•••

Three heads snapped up when the silence was broken by a knob unlocking. Kian's door opened slowly, teasingly, before shutting again. Confused eyes met confused eyes, until they heard the door open and Kian walk out, putting a shirt on.

"Hey.." Bobby spoke up, the only one who dared to greet Kian. Kian stopped in his spot, looking between his three roommates with confusion.

"Hi?" He questioned, rubbing his head. It still pounded, but not as severely as before. He moved to walk to towards the kitchen, to get some kind of pain reliever, but was blocked by Jc's shorter body.

"Hey.." Jc said hesitantly, like saying something too loudly or suddenly would break Kian in half. Kian felt his headache spike and irritability filled him.

"Hello, Jc! Hello, Corey! Are we done with introductions now?" He spat out angrily, pushing past Jc to get to the kitchen. Jc only followed him though, with a determined gleam in his eyes and a clenched jaw, to match Kian's own.

Jc watched Kian take about five pain relief pills. He sighed at the younger boy's unknowing drug abuse.

"Can we talk?" Jc said, quietly, now that he and Kian had some privacy. Kian glanced at him briefly, before focusing on his water, like it was the most interesting thing in the room. His fingers fiddled with the cap, and he avoided eye contact with the shorter boy.

"About?" He answered gruffly, glancing past Jc to see if Bobby or Corey were coming to his rescue. Unfortunately, they were both wrapped up in their own editing, and had lost interest in Kian and Jc. Kian felt his head ache at the thought of Jc.

He didn't know what to feel about the boy. He wanted nothing more than to turn back time, reverse their actions. Kian felt such strong feelings for the boy that he was willing to do anything to gain his attention. And now that he wants to move on, with a great person nonetheless, Jc wants to fix their already toxic relationship?

Kian just didn't want to hurt anybody anymore.

Including himself.

"I don't know... us?" Jc moved towards Kian, and Kian took an instinctive step backwards. Jc halted, looking at the lanky boy with hurt eyes. Kian wouldn't meet them.

Jc from a month ago would've kept going anyways.

And I would've let him.

"Kian.." Jc stared, his eyes watering ever so slightly, and voice wavering. He reached an arm out, but thought better of it, and took it back. "Please just look at me?"

"No." Kian responded stubbornly, eyes fixated on the ground, the amount of distance between his and Jc's feet. An annoying part of him twinged, wanting there to be no distance there. Another part of him wanted to punch Jc in the face.

"Please-"

"What do you want me to say?" Kian randomly bursted, watery eyes lifted to meet Jc's brown ones. Jc stared back, caught off guard. "That I can't look into your eyes anymore because all I can see is the same person that fucked up my mind, and my body?" Kian let out angrily, fisting at his own hair, hating that his eyes flashed with memories of Jc's hands in his hair too. "That I see the same eyes I fell in love with, that never loved me back?"

"Kian.." Jc took a step forward, and Kian took another backwards, stumbling over his feet like he stumbled over his words. He let his tears fall freely, and they dropped onto the ground. Kian stared at them.

"No, you don't get to do that anymore." He sniffed, wiping his wet cheeks. "You don't get to say my name like that, and look at me the way you do, and make me fall in love with you all over again. Not when I don't want to anymore."

Kian finally looked up, his gaze breaking Jc's heart. But the curly haired boy could only stand there, brewing in his own regret and pain, and hate himself and what he did.

"I'm so fucked up over you." Kian breathed out, finally pushing past Jc and retreating to his room, past Corey and Bobby, who exchanged worried looks. Bobby's heart flipped, wondering what Kian and Jc talked about.

A moment passed, and Jc walked past the duo, eyes dull and looking tired and regretful. Bobby couldn't help but think he deserved everything he was feeling. Then, he started to worry that there was too much history there, between those two, for him to have a chance. Even if Kian deserved so much more than what he got.

The usually optimistic boy shook his head, dismissing the thoughts from his mind.

There's nothing to worry about.

Right?

•••••

Sorry for being a shit person, and not updating in forever.

I've been in and out of hospitals (regular hospitals and psychiatric hospitals) and dealing with a lot of depression, and honestly I didn't even think about my stories.

I want to apologize for not letting any of you know what was going on with these, but I do plan to finish them all.

Writing is one of the few things that I actually enjoy, and I really want to get back into it, and start creating content again.

I've even started writing two new ones recently, but I decided I need to finish the ones that I started already.

Thanks for sticking with the story through all of this.

Date: March 21, 2018.

Word Count: 1101

-ColorMeJian