Living with the badboy

36

I stared out my window, it was 04:62 now but I was still not tired.
I traced the raindrops that slid down my window with my fingertip. Sometimes two drops would fall down next to each other like they were racing. I was doing everything I could to distract my mind from Julia, nothing seems to work.

My face must have looked just like the window, tears slid down my cheeks and down my chin. Some would curl around the corners of my mouth wetting my chapped lips.

"I killed her, I killed her, I killed her"

Julia was as good as dead and I was the reason, I was a murderer. A cold blood murderer.

"I killed her, I killed her, I killed her"

My voice was rough and croaked softly, my throats felt like sand paper and was probably sore from the cheep alcohol. Breathing hurt making me feel on the verge of choking, every hiccup and sniffle sent jolts of pain through my lungs and back. Making my mind wander off from Julia for a split second. A small moment of redemption, it was not much but made quite the difference.

"I killed her, I killed her, I killed her"

---

"Hunter? Honey I am visiting Julia today... so you want to visit her as well?"

I nodded but I didn't fully acknowledge her, I kept staring out the window thinking that if I just wished for her to get well hard enough, she will.

I put on my track suit and a thick hoodie, I didn't brush my hair or put on my cologne or put on deodorant, because what is the use into doing so.

I took a glance in the mirror and saw only my dark circles, sick pale skin, chapped lips, sunken cheekbones and dull eyes. My hair lay lazy in my head and greasy hairs stuck to my fore head.

The person I saw was a sad excuse for an human being, a selfish egocentric waste of oxygen, a heap of cells that were not meant to be. A murder.

Rage overtook my senses and before I knew it a dark red warm substance dropped down my fingers. The mirror was smashed into tiny peaces that were outlined with red. Unfortunately for me my reflection did now not show on once but multiple times.

I heard distant awful heartbroken sobs. Weak pathetic hitched breaths that I only realized were mine after they stopped.

I turned around to walk to the door only to see my mothers shocked expression that I shrugged off. Walking past her only brushing shoulders.

As we sat in the car soft music played breaking the uncomfortable silence, but it didn't bother me at all I could think about was seeing Julia.

"Hunter we will be at the hospital shortly... I don't know how to tell you this but her situation has worsened" she said softly trying to bring the news to me as soft as she could.

We walked past the bright white walls that held sickness and grief. The strong smell was a mixture of medicines and something I could only describe as a person smelling like death. Yeah I know not very subtle, but it was true. Everyone in those beds was either dying a quickly or delaying their inevitable death. Once you get in one of those beds you will leave this building in two ways, you walk out feeling relieved that you have escaped the strong grasp of the angel of death or you will be rolled out leaving this big blue and green earth to something or somewhere no one knows. Quite scare most think.

I heard sobs all around me, painful and haggard breaths, beeping monitors and rushing nurses. It made me almost go insane, I could not take this. It was to real. It was my fault. It was my undoing.

When I entered the room i saw Nate standing next to her bed holding her hand and whispering something to her. Tears rolled down his nose and I could clearly make out the little snotty streams under his nose, they were almost not noticeable among the tear tracks. I felt my hand clenching. He was better for her, he should have been with her. He would have never done something so stupid as I. Calling her in the middle of the night drunk making her speed towards the bad side of town.

So I turned around and left.

I went out the room not k owing where I was going. I wandered through the hospital trying to find a way out, away from al... this.

I was crying. I hated myself I felt so hurt even though I knew I was not the one who deserved to feel hurt. Julia did. She was hurt and there was nothing I could do. I was powerless, I was no good.

I ran into the cold weather to the nearest park. Somewhere I could be lonely. Somewhere I could not hurt anybody.

---

A/N
Heyy it's me, definitely not Mario. Okay that was dumb but never mind hehe.

Sooo you probably all want to murder me for these chapters... sorry but I want this to be as realistic as possible. I hope Hunters POV is believable, describing the mind of someone who is slipping into an mental illness is really hard.

I'll try my best anyways bc I luv u guys :).

Until next chap and byeeee.

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PS!!! Shout out to @ranianawja for all the support and nice comments!
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