Author: writeyourname97
Title: Long Distance Calls
Cover: It's a simple design, yet it gives readers space to imagine and use their own creativity. For example, before reading the story you would assume that it's about a young man in his teens or early 20s, having just gotten an exciting new opportunity in another state far from his home and the object of his affections. That alone would intrigue most people, who's curiosity as to what exactly happened to this young man, would get the best of them. Ergo, drawing them to the book. Nice job catching the essence with that.
Description: The description was very well written out. I only seen a couple of grammatical errors, for example when saying where Evelyn was from, you simply put Cleveland. You did not add the state in which Cleveland was located, which could really confuse some of your readers. There are multiple cities named Cleveland in the United States of America. It's important when giving a location that you give the entire location, not just bits and pieces.
Chapter One: First let me say I loved your prologue. The letter to the future was honestly a nice touch, it gave readers the feel of being addressed by a person of the past. I'm not going to lie, I did become confused when you wrote, "It's a story that's not made up, that I don't want to be made up." I'm not sure whether or not you were trying to convey to the readers that Peter did not make up this story, or that Peter wishes that it was not a made up story. Your actual chapter one was very interesting. I enjoyed meeting some of the characters. A little note though, you might want to describe your characters a little bit more. You gave the bare minimum when it came to the actual description of the characters looks, which made it hard to actually visualize them. Your grammar was superb in this chapter.
Chapter Two: Loved the way it started off. It made me feel like I was actually on Clyde street with Petter. The description of the night scenery was exquisite. The way you described the sounds being heard, the night sky, and the overall area was incredible. When I closed my eyes I could picture everything said, even hear the chirps of the cicadas. The way that you described this scenery is the exact same way that you should describe your characters. Make it just as easy to picture the characters as it was to picture the scenery.
Chapter Three: This was honestly my favorite chapter. Not only because I could actually envision Kane saying all of this stuff to his opponent but because you could tell you enjoyed writing this chapter. I mean your giddiness practically jumped right off of the pages. It was very lively and intriguing.
Characters :
This I'm going to find very difficult to do since you really didn't give that much insight on your characters but from what I'm gathering,
Peter: Main Character who's super lanky. He's not that tall for a boy and has dark hair, eyes, and soul. This is about all I really got from your description of him. I was not able to picture him at all, unless you wanted me to picture him as a emo, rocker type of guy with all black everything.
Belle: Long blonde hair, I literally picture her as Cinderella at this point. There's absolutely nothing that helps the reader visualize this character.
Andrew: Perhaps the only character that wasn't that hard to visualize but only because you put he's overweight other than that, I wouldn't be able to picture Andrew.
Evelyn: Chestnut hair, electric blue eyes. I believe your readers would appreciate Evelyn a lot more if you gave more details and descriptions regarding her appearance. Especially since she's one of the main characters.
- Review By: PrettyBearShay
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