love drought | kth.

thirteen

"I'm convinced you hate me," Graycen said harshly to Taylor as she was putting on her Ugg boots, "I really have to go all the way to Foot Locker to return these shoes for your shitty boyfriend. Why can't you do it?"

"I'm working, please do this for me. I won't bother you ever again."

"Oh haha I call bullshit." Graycen sarcastically said before grabbing her purse and the Foot Locker bag. "I'll be back, I have counseling today."

"Good luck! I hope you guys resolve things soon." Graycen looked down at the floor after she heard what her sister said. She hated being told by someone how to handle her and Taehyung's situation because it was so difficult and emotional.

As soon as she got to the mall, she was trudging her way to the Footlocker. It was after three in the afternoon and all she wanted to do was take her nap before her coparent counseling at five.

After returning to Footlocker, Graycen got to counseling on time on time due to the lack of traffic which she was eternally grateful for. New York's traffic was the worst and it was rare not seeing someone getting hit or a car wreck.

"Good afternoon, Graycen!" Amanda greeted with a wide smile as soon as Graycen walked in. Taehyung was already sitting there on his phone.

"Hello." Graycen nodded lightly. "What are we talking about today?"

Amanda sighed before answering her, "I want to finish up us talking about Graycen leaving."

"Oh God," Taehyung sucked his teeth before leaning back in his seat, "what is there to talk about? We already talked about this bazillion of times. Graycen walked away, no, she actually ran away halfway across the country."

"My mind was lowly dying, Taehyung!" She retorted before leaning on the wall by the door. "What did you want me to do? Drew died and I died right with him but that was until I went to Australia and-"

"And what?" This time he got up from his seat to have a better look at me. "Please enlighten me, you didn't think I was dying too?"

"Do you want my honesty?"

Amanda chimed in, "Yes please, be honest!"

I took a deep breath before getting my back off the wall, "I genuinely thought you weren't hurting like me. I thought you were coping and I know it's wrong for even thinking that way but I couldn't even function here. I didn't feel like myself, I didn't feel like Graycen. I felt like a clone and I couldn't even recognize myself."

I cleared my throat as Taehyung's eyes couldn't seem to get off of me. "When I went to Australia, when I told you I was going to Australia I thought you understood that I founded something. I found peace! Something that I needed so badly-"

"- I was never coping," he craned his neck to the side with his eyebrows furrowed, "I was always covering for you, it was to take care of you."

I sighed before rolling my eyes, "Amanda, aren't you going to stop us?" I already knew what direction this was going in and if I knew then she knew too. Instead of putting this to a stop, she just shook her head. She claimed that we were making progress.

"You say that you were covering for me?" I finally brought my attention back to Taehyung who was impolitely using the desk for his chair.

"I was always covering for you, I had to."

"And that is why you punished me over and over again by arguing with me because I dared and took things into my hands like the individual woman I am?" I spat every single word with anger and I used my whole body to help me express that. "I realized the tunnel I was falling into and I did something to stop it and all that does is make you-" I scoffed before saying my last word, "angry."

"Yeah because I had put you," he pointed at me from across the office, "Graycen Amelia Kim-"

"- Harrier."

He sucked his teeth before continuing, "I had put you first. Something that is required from you in a marriage but I think it's pretty clear that you don't." It was obvious that he wanted to say that because I noticed how calm he was after he finished talking.

"Let me tell you something," I placed my hands on my hips before taking steps closer to him, "before I was ever a Kim, I was a Harrier. I was put on this earth as a individual person, just in case you forgot. So, I took care of myself so I can survive." I sat down in a chair that was had me face to face with Taehyung. "Now please, please tell me, what is it that pisses you off so much? The fact that I went after the thing I needed to heal or the thing that I needed to heal wasn't you?"

The room fell silent and I can hear that his breathing hitched. I was intimidating him with my stare that I was having on him. His brown eyes kept looking at me even though they would briefly look away. He straightened up the way he was sitting before standing up from the table.

"Hell, the thing I needed was you, Graycen. That's the thing that pisses me off so much. It pisses me off that I needed you, but you didn't need me. It pisses me off that I felt like nothing, like I was useless." He took a deep breath before speaking. "It seems like you survived in Australia and I survived here, but I don't think, together, a married couple, would've survived."

"Yeah because you didn't try, Taehyung!"

His eyes moved to the floor then back at me, "Don't you even try to accuse me of not wanting to stay with you, Graycen." He took a deep breath before running his hands through his hair. "I've tried mentally, physically, and emotionally. It was time for us to part anyways, Graycen. Divorce isn't some word that I throw around. In that case it was a light at the end of a very dark tunnel."

"I didn't want to give up on us."

"Goodness-" he paused before sighing, "you already did. When you left what did you think you were doing?"

"I was escaping!" I quickly blurted with my voice raising a few octaves. "Every-fucking-time I saw you, all I kept thinking about was our lifeless child in my arms because he looks just like you. That was a nightmare and it traumatized me and I hated that it did."

"And you didn't tell me this because?" He quickly got up from his seat and was shaking his head in disbelief. "You never told me this and that's not right. How the hell was I supposed to know this, Graycen?"

He walked out the door after saying goodbye to Amanda but I couldn't let him walk out pissed at me.

"Graycen." She sternly called out to me but I didn't look at her. Just grabbing my purse, I basically waddled quickly to him. By the time I went outside he was near his car door.

"Taehyung, what are you doing? You can't just walk out like that." This time my voice with him wasn't stern. It was soft like I was talking to a baby. I felt bad and I wanted things to change.

He chuckled before opening his car door, "I don't wanna fight anymore over the same shit. I get why you left and I understand. Now please, all I want to do is go home and drink a bottle of wine."

"Um, okay, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, please," he sat down in his driver's seat with one leg inside and one leg out, "I'm done talking about the same shit and so should you."