I Can't Take Another Disappointment- Ben Bruce

Let's Play A Game

It had been weeks since I had seen Ben, but that didn't stop my mind from thinking about him every second I got. It had been even harder with Emily asking for him to come over every night after school.

I sat with my face in my hands, trying to keep all the unshed tears at bay. Not now, not in front of Emily. I'll wait until I am alone.

Nikki sat beside me and told Em to go play in her room. I watched her skip off and Nikki pulled me in for another one of her famous hugs.

"I miss him," I choked out with a sob, those tears spilling over my eyes and down my face. "I know, babe. But look at what he's done to you." She shook her head when her phone rang. I saw the caller ID was Danny and she answered it, her hand rubbing my back comfortingly as I tried my best to calm down.

She handed the phone to me and I took it, a little surprised. "Hello?"

"Ash, I want you to come over tonight with Nikki." Danny's voice sounded cheerful and I bit my lip.

"Will he be there?" I asked quietly. Danny sighed a little. "Yeah, but don't let that stop you." He chuckled at the end and I agreed to go since Emily was staying at a friends house.

I knew I was only hurting myself, but even after what Ben did, I missed him like crazy. His wild hair, that adorable smile that was so uncharacteristic compared to his image, those big eyes that whispered you would be safe with him, even if you knew deep down they were only telling you what you wanted to hear.

I slipped into my long black cardigan as we knocked on Ben's appartment door. It was answered by James who grinned a hello at us and welcomed us inside. It was only the boys and some drinks, so I felt more comfortable than last time.

I sat down, avoiding Ben's gaze, though it wasn't too difficult since he hadn't even acknowledged me.

"Let's play a game," Sam suggested devilishly. Everyone laughed and I cracked a smile. "What game?" I asked cautiously as Sam grinned.

"Spin the bottle." He winked and set down his empty beer bottle. Everyone groaned but seemed keen on the idea. I just prayed that I wouldnt get Ben.

"Ashlyn goes first!" Cameron shouted and I sighed, spinning the bottle. It landed on Nikki and I was grateful. We leant over and peck each other on the lips, childishly earning some wolf whistles from the lads.

Nikki kissed Danny her turn and he spun it for the first time when it landed on me. "Come 'ere, sweet cheeks." Danny laughed and winked at me playfully. Our lips touched and it was nothing like the way Ben's lips felt.

Danny pulled back and James shook his head. "This is too PG, let's go for MA at least." He chuckled and I bit my lip. "Ash, your turn." He winked and I spun, a knot forming in my stomach. It landed on James and he smirked. "Come 'ere," He motioned for me towards him and Danny grinned. "Make out, for a full minute." Sam ordered with a drunken slur in his voice. I bit my lip and James leant in.

My cheeks must have gone the brightest shade of red from embarrassment. Kissing James wasn't as nice as kissing Ben, James's lips were slightly chapped and to my utter surprise, he pulled me onto his lap without breaking the kiss. I rested my hands on his shoulders awkwardly and when the minute was up, he pulled away with a cheeky smirk.

"Look at you, you're as red as a beetroot." He pecked my cheek sweetly as if to say 'Its just some fun' and I sat back in my spot. I couldn't help my eyes as they glanced briefly at Ben. He looked annoyed, a lit cigarette between his lips. His eyes were hard and his fists were balled tightly, baring white knuckles.

James spun the bottle and he was made to make out with Cameron, but only for 10 seconds out of the goodness of our hearts.

A few turns of smooches later and the bottle landed on me. Only this time, Ben had spun it. My eyes darted up to his but his expression was unreadable.

"You know the rules!" Everyone shouted, encouraging us. I hesitantly sat beside him and waited patiently for his consent, nerves getting the better of me. He turned and our eyes met for the first time in what had felt like forever.

He leant in and I closed my eyes, savouring the moment. This would most likely be the last time I ever got to kiss him, and for my own sake, I wanted to at least pretend he was enjoying it half as much as I was. Even if I knew better deep down.

Our lips touched and I was filled with mixed emotions. How right this felt, how wrong this felt. What was happening to me? Where had this little weakling come from that was willing to hurt herself for a minute of heaven?

I pulled away shaking my head and Ben's expression was still unreadable. I stood up, needing fresh air, to get away from everything Ben had made me feel.

"I hate what you've done to me." I whispered, not even sure if he had heard. Not even sure I cared if he had or not. I took off and left Nikki behind. I just needed to gather my thoughts, figure out how to be that strong person I was.