A (more) Chaotic Life of an ex Blue Short Guy

Chapter 15

"Endless rain..fall on my heart, kokoro no kizu ni..let me forget, all of the hate, all of the sadness.."

- X Japan-

What is loneliness?
It's the day when everything was back to where it started.
It's the day when he was not there in my life.
It's the day before he asked me to be his boyfriend more than a year ago.
It's the day when all i can do was to look at him from the distance.
It's the day when my arms void from his embrace.
It's the day when i can't hear him whisper my name.
It's the day when even to think about him brings aching to my heart.
It's the day when even hearing his name would stab me more than a thousand swords.
It's the day without him..

I couldn't recall my days without him, how could i live those days with ease, while now not even a second goes by without my brain wrecked itself thinking about him.

Will he thinks about me too? will his heart race everytime he looks at our pictures, the way i do? will he twist his ring just to remind himself the bond that we have? He gave me a golden key the day he left, with a note on it :

"Only you can open my heart,
i give you the key so no one else can open it."

I cried a river that day and no body dares to even knock at Phun's room. I know that they even call my family to sleep over, but i didn't even bother to get out of the room. It was so fucking hard to stop the tears.

When Phun called me, he would tease me realizing that i cried over him. "Hey Noh, don't cry baby, or you will look like panda when you wake up tomorrow."

"You..just mind your own business asshole! i cried over dying white elephant at the zoo, fucker!"

And the teasing just went on and on, i just can't help to think how much money would he spend just by calling me? you rich bastard...

The teasing helps me a bit to forget my longing but didn't make me open the door and get out. Until he send some picture..

He's wearing my sweat shirt that i gave him in the airport, along with a note:

"I need my personal heater instead of this sweater."

He looked like a prince in a desolate place, so lonely and cold...

And i broke in tears again.

I take a picture of my middle finger and send it to him.

"I throw away the key so no one will find it. Be lonely without me."

He send me pictures of hearts.

"I already am..i can't even touch myself."

Pout sign.

"Don't ever." I send him a picture of my ring finger.

He smiles. "Yes, my wife.."
.
.
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I block all social media except from Phun's for two days wanting to concentrate only to him. I didn't care about another, they can wait. The world won't stop turning without me anyways. Only when i know that he landed safely and heading to the dormitory i activated back all the social media.

And the first thing popped out from the screen was calls and messages from my utterly desperate fans. Naek called me like a thousand times, Earn and Air follows. I was too lazy to call them back and decided to resume my sleep since i've been sleep deprived for two days.

Then i suddenly remembered that i haven't eat anything in two days as well, i practically lives off of water and jello from the refrigerator in Phun's room. My stomach grumbled loudly, so i decided to get a shower and eat something downstairs.

I think i look like a zombie since everyone staring at me with a very strange gaze. Auntie Noi even fetch me a chair and serve me some porridge and milk.