Maynard Imagines and Preferences

Gone - Jack

A/N: I am so sorry that I have barely updated since I started my Gif Series! I just haven't been inspired much but I was listening to "my immortal" by Evanescence and I  had an idea so here we are. Again I am so sorry and I might mark this as completed. Thank you for reading!

Jack's POV

It was all my fault. Everything that had happened was my fault. If I hadn't been so stupid I wouldn't be a mess. I wouldn't look so pale. I wouldn't be as skinny as I am. I wouldn't have dark circles. If I wasn't an idiot I would be sleeping properly. My cheeks wouldn't be stained with tears. I would be eating.

I wish I had never gotten so drunk. I wish I had never kissed that girl. If I hadn't become drunk and kissed her she'd be sitting next to me holding my hand. I wouldn't be in such a state.

Every single day for the year that she hadn't been by side I had cried. When I managed to get some sleep I would wake up screaming her name, crying for her to be next to me. Even when I did, she never came back, she was never sat next to me rubbing my back wiping my tears. The wounds couldn't heal and I couldn't move on.

If I hadn't kissed that girl and I hadn't been so stupid then she wouldn't have left. If Caspar hadn't have filmed it accidentally then she would be right here. I guess she had the right to know, I could never hide it from her.

It keeps replaying in my mind. Images of her running through that door with bags in her arms, shoving straight past me. I knew from then that she saw. I knew she'd pack her bags and leave. I didn't get the chance to try and explain because she was long gone when I finally opened my mouth. I saw her to get hit. I saw her fragile body be shoved backwards by the impact. Every time I shut my eyes I could see it. It hurt me. No, it killed me. I watched as people crowded around her but I was frozen. My muscles unable to move.

They took her to the hospital. She was in a coma, I didn't realise how long she would be gone for. I didn't realise how much I would miss hearing her yell at me for leaving glasses everywhere. I didn't realise how much I would miss her hands in mine. I didn't realise how much I would miss her falling asleep during films.

I visited the hospital once a day. Sometimes it was for a few minutes, sometimes a few hours. I talked to her every single day and held her hand praying that she'd squeeze mine in the romantic way that you see in movies or read about in books but it didn't happen. For a whole year it never happened. She never smiled, she never squeezed my hand back. I never had any sign that she could hear me or that she was even still alive.

One morning I got the call, the call I always waited for but never wanted to receive. I answered the phone, stopping the editing that I was attempting to do.

"Hello?"
"Hi, is this Jack Maynard?"
"Yes it is. How can I help you?"
"Hello Jack, it's Y/N's nurse. She seems to be struggling, you might want to come down!"
"I'll be right there!"

I jumped straight out of my seat and sprinted towards the door. The same words repeating in my head 'It's all your fault. You kissed the girl. You're the reason she ran into the road'. I knew they all blamed me but they just didn't want to admit it.

As I arrived at the hospital the lady at the desk just nodded at me knowing where I was going. I ran through the endless amounts of corridors. It seemed like there were more than there had ever been.

As I opened the pale blue door I saw her family surrounding her, none of them looked as bad as me. They looked like they had gotten over her being in a coma for a year. I wanted to scream at them and ask why they weren't as skinny and pale as me. Why they didn't have tear stained cheeks and why their eyes weren't as dark as mine.

A few minutes passed and I sat holding her hand like I had everyday for the past year. Salty tears were streaming down my face. Her heart rate monitor going crazy as her heart sped up and slowed down. Her family were sat outside by now and I was the only one left. I was the only one there when the fairly steady beeping of the monitor slowed down. I was there when the long, loud beep emitted from the device.

I sat there shaking as doctors and nurses were rushing around me trying to revive her. I was there when they announced the time and date of her death. Her family came in to say their last goodbyes and left in tears but I stayed praying she'd come back.

I looked at her lifeless body. I couldn't even cry. My entire body was shaking. I screamed her name so loud and that's when it came. The waterfalls of tears streaming down my cheeks.

As I opened my eyes I felt a pair of eyes looking back at me. I felt a squeeze on my hand. I saw the smile that I had been longing to see for a year. It was all there, everything I needed to make me happy again. She rubbed the back of my hand motioning for me to stop crying.

"Stop crying love, I'm here. I'm always going to be right here. I'm never leaving you!"
"I love you so much Y/N!" I exclaimed as I planted a kiss on her forehead.
"If you loved me then you wouldn't have kissed another girl Jack. You wouldn't have been so childish and got drunk"
"But Y/N, I didn't mean to. I will make it up to you I promise. I will never hurt you again."
"I love you Jack. Don't you ever forget that. I will always be here!" She said pointing at my heart.

She pointed at my heart. That was when I realised, she's not here. She's gone, she's gone forever and it is all my fault. She never woke up, I imagined it. I realised that although she was gone she'd still have all of me, I would never be able to move on. I just hoped that one day she would come and visit me from heaven. I knew that time could never erase the feelings I felt for her and the memories that we shared.