fighting for my sanity

Depression

I have it and it destroys me.
Your own thoughts killing you
From the inside.
" why am I so pathetic?"
Does anyone actually need me?"
If I ended it today how many people
Would care?
Its so consuming the darkness
That surrounds me.
If I could count how many time I thought of killing myself.
How many times
I was left alone.
How many scars that are on
Me.
Being thrown around like
A rag doll.
From my own thoughts.
Having to learn how to hide
It and bottle it up.
No one to talk to.
I'm all alone on this road
No one can help me.
I'm so deep in the darkness
I'm drowning.
Slowly falling deeper.
Where no one can reach.
Choking.
Suffering.
Wondering.
Is this all I can do.
Is this my purpose in life.
When can I finally be happy?
Am I even alive to begin with?
I'm alive but i'm not living.
I'm not dead but I might as well be.