fighting for my sanity

Holding on

I'm holding onto something.
Even though it hurts me more
Than any self harm.
Than any words.
I'm holding onto a person.
Someone I know will never love me
Again and I know I should
Hate, resent, despise.
But I simply can't.
I just can't let go of this one.
Person no matter how hard
I try to forget.
I can't get rid of
Them memories the feelings.
They will always be there.
It shreds me up inside.
Knowing no matter how hard.
I want, hope, wish.
That person is forever gone.
Slipped out of my grasp
It's destroying me.
I'm forever changed.
No longer can I trust.
No longer can I sleep peacefully
At night
No longer can I feel like
I deserve to have anything in life.
I'm broken.
The only thing left is the memory's
That bring me pain.
I cry myself to sleep at night.
Wondering what's wrong with me?
Why do I keep holding onto
Something that's killing me?
What's worse is that person
Your holding onto pretends
To try to pull you back.
Gives you a sliver of hope
Than completely mutilated it.
I can no longer say I deserve to
Be loved.
I can no longer stay stronger for myself.
I can no longer hope for a future.
All I can to get pulled than
Let go only to hold on again.