I was immediately pulled into my own home with my dad's hand around my neck. He clenched his teeth so much I thought they were going to break. I swear I saw foam coming from his mouth. He threw me across the living room and I hit the sofa where I would sit for the next 4 hours before being thrown up the stairs and locked into my bedroom. Those 4 hours were filled with wonderful sounds of screams, crying, yelling, sobs, objects being thrown. Some not directed at me, others were. I sat in silence. Not a single word or sound came from my mouth. I had nothing to say. I would have liked to say something, no... screamed something to my father.
'Maybe I left because you don't know how to love your kids? Maybe I left because of the countless times you abused me and my brother. Maybe I left to find a better place to live because the one I live in I get raped in."
I would have loved to say that. But I didn't.
I was thrown into my room and my door was locked from the outside. The only way out was through my window. But that was one story up and nothing to land on but hard ground. I opened my window that night. I looked outside and swung my legs to hang over the side. I sat there. Waiting. Just waiting for something. Either waiting for my father to come beat me, Tre or Sara to pull up in their car to come get me, or god telling me I can finally go. But I waiting until sun rise. I checked the clock ever so often to see if this would end soon. I thought about leaving again. I would have went to the only place I know, Tres house. But he would have just put me back here. I decided to do something that night. Something that maybe helped me but I'll never know for sure. I left the window and went to my closet. There was a little door off my closet that got into the crawl space. Through the years of living here I have decorated it with my things. A computer my parents don't know I stole from my school, a tv my parents don't know I stole from my neighbors trash, and a Xbox that my parents (you guessed it) didn't know I stole from my Ex's house. I only go in her when I need to be alone. For a while.
I shut the door to the crawl space but not before shutting and locking the closet door from the inside. I crawled my way to the tv and then it on. I turn on the Xbox. I sign in. I play games. I get out my pillow and blanket to set up camp. I get out the computer this is where the fun begins.
Anonymous emailer :
You made a mistake.
You left me in a terrible place.
Abuse.
Rape.
Nothing for the future.
Crimes.
Drugs.
Divorce.
Remarried.
Abuse.
Divorce.
Remarried by force.
Abuse.
Abuse.
Abuse.
Suicide attempt 1.
Beating.
Attempt 2.
Abuse.
Attempt 3.
Almost made it.
Run away.
Found hope.
Lost it.
Back to the same old thing.
Abuse.
Thank you.
And I sent it. I got an immediate response.
Alex, I know this is you. Please. Tell me where you live. I'll send my dad for help.
Frankie, he is the one who sent me here. Why would he pick me up.
Because he cares about you. Listen my sister comes home in a week I'll ride over with her okay?
He doesn't care. You do. And you can't think for anyone but yourself.
My dad cares for everyone. I heard him and Sara crying I knew it was about you. I'll get you next Saturday. I promise.
Promise is a strong word...
