Reckless - Ashton Irwin

Chapter 6

After Michael dropped me off, I immediately got into the shower, got ready, and while still wearing the weird towel turban that every girl uses on their heads, I managed to do laundry, clean, vacuum, and watch TV shows in one night, which was weird since I haven't done anything like this since we lived in LA. When I got out of the shower, I took my time sloppily getting ready to clean the house, not caring that I looked somewhat like a well-kept homeless sewer rat. It was the typical look that went with me since I didn't care how I looked in the house. 

A few hours passed by quick and it was already dark, the moon shining from my window. I went towards my window, pulling the long curtains away and eyed the little, beige house that was Ashton's. I assumed he wasn't home since his car wasn't parked outside.


The volume of the tv blasted through my room while I multitasked, watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother and folding laundry at the same time. I tried not to let my mind wander on Ashton but every single moment, I found myself zoning out hearing his voice play over and over again in my head. His hurtful words didn't seem so crude in my head because everything about him in my mind was a daydream, a made up fantasy, that I knew wasn't going to be real. Ashton wasn't going to change into a nice guy over night, he was such a dick and he knew it. God, I had to get over him because I knew this would happen when I met him on the fucking plane and now I'm stuck as his neighbor; there's no way I'm getting out of this situation. 

After two How I Met Your Mother reruns, I had folded almost all of the basket of freshly washed clothes when I heard the slight sound of the door opening from downstairs and I recognized my mom's and Matt's voices. I pushed myself up off the floor and paced downstairs. 

"How was dinner?" Mom asked me, sitting down in the living room while she sighed out a breath of relief from finally coming home. I didn't even know what they did all day. 

I didn't want my mom knowing what Ashton said about me or that waitress because she would never let me hang out with them again. The rest of the boys were a good group; I loved them all and I wouldn't let her restrict me from seeing them. So I had to lie. "It was good. We had burgers." 

Slowly, I could feel my body rising in heat and my pulse beating a little faster. I wasn't that good of a liar but good thing my mom was oblivious to it since she never really knew I lied about almost everything. Throughout my life, I had lied my way out of practically everything to make sure I didn't get in trouble since I was already under such strict rules. Now, it seemed like she didn't really care much anymore about what I did because, y'know, the divorce. 


"I was just folding laundry," I stated, crossing my arms and leaning against the stair frame. 

"Oh that's good." She monotonously replied, taking out her white Prozac medicine bottle, popping a pill with water. It scared me knowing she took medication to relieve her stress but I also knew that she was scarier as a schizophrenic without her pills. I didn't want to be like her when I got older - fragile and tired.

"Izzie, can you fold my laundry too?" Matt added, his joke automatically annoying me since he was my brother, for one, and he never did his damn chores. I was the sibling that took care of everything. I flipped him off which ended up with my mom scolding me to stop patronizing my brother and him cackling while he went off to his room.

"Go away Matt."


I went back upstairs to finish folding (and also to be alone), happy that I was by myself. Sometimes I just needed time to myself, especially since Ashton said "no one would ever like me". He was probably exaggerating but still, it hurt a lot and I couldn't be near him right now, whatever they were doing. I wasn't someone who cried a lot, but today in Michael's car, I let the PMSimg bitch come out of me.

I felt like writing in my journal and so I pulled out the leather-binded book out of my nightstand, opening to the page where I left off from a doodle of a tree and yesterday's entry. The spine was faintly worn out and creased from opening it every day.

September 6, 2013 

I didn't know what to do today. All I felt was stupid and worthless, especially since I lied to him. I wasn't that person but he brought it out of me. He's such a fucking douche bag that I actually cried over him. How pathetic of me. I wish he would just go away somehow, just vanish out of my sight. 

Maybe my tears were hormonal, maybe they were from my actual feelings, who knows. All I know is that he was stuck here in my life for the rest of who knows how long I live in Sydney. I felt stupid in the bathroom and the loneliness I had came back. Why? 

He said it during dinner with the boys. "No one would want to get into someone as uptight and compulsive as you." Am I really like that? Uptight? I don't consider myself like that but maybe others do. Maybe that's why people always leave me by myself. Maybe I need to change 


But he was so nice earlier today. I have no idea what's going on with him. I'm so conflicted, what's wrong with me? But his smile, like when I see him at their practices, he looks so happy doing what he does and hanging out with his friends. He doesn't have that douchebag personality when we're like that. He's so fucking confusing. 

I'm just t-