the little things

chapter eight: therapy session

"tell them you were mad about the way i grew strong."

"So Emma, how are you doing?" Dr Jay asked. I was sitting my my usual corner on the comfortable baby pink sofa and she was sitting opposite me on her chair.

"I'm perfect" I shot her a significant fake smile.

"Let's try that again, Emma. How are you?" She had a stern look on her face which caused me to giggle a bit.

"I'm perfect" I repeated with a small hint of humour in my voice.

"Emma" She said.

"Fine. I haven't been doing too well" I stated.

"What's been going on?" She asked.

"Just you know, the usual" I said avoiding eye contact.

"I thought the nightmares stopped" She lifted a brow.

"Well, I guess they came back" I said bluntly.

"What are your nightmares often about, Emma?" She questioned.

"Them" I said boldly.

"I understand" She said softly.

"No you don't" I said. "You don't really understand anything" I added.

"What makes you think that?" She asked.

"Come on for fucks sake! You're getting paid to listen to me. You're getting paid to pretend to care about me" I almost yelled.

"Over time Emma, I will care about you. Not just as a patient but as a human being because that is what you are, you are no different to anyone else just because you've been through hell and back. Yes I am getting paid. I'm getting paid by your father to help you get better. He wants you to get better and so does everyone else" She said, knocking a small amount of sense into me.

"Thanks doc, I needed to her that" I admitted sheepishly.

"Anytime" She flashed me a pearly smile.

"Emma, there is something we need to talk about" She said.

"Okay, what is it?" I said as I adjusted myself on the sofa.

"You need to start talking about what happened" She said referring to the incident.

"No" I said firmly. "I can't" I paused. "I can't ever talk about that" I almost whispered.

"Emma, you have been through one year of complete torture. You need to start talking about it. It doesn't have to be to me, it could be to a friend or someone you trust" She said putting her notebook on the table in front of her.

"I don't want to talk about it" I pointed out again.

"You have to try" She said.

"I said I can't" I said in a louder voice.

"I'm not going to force it out of you now, Emma. But it's something you should consider" She said.

"Okay can you just stop talking about it?" I said annoyed at the fact she even brought it up.

"Okay, so have you made anymore friends? How's Anthony?" She asked.

"Anthony's okay I guess. I feel like we are getting closer and he told me about why he was admitted here. And I met this girl called Melissa, she's really sweet" I said.

"That's good. I'm glad you're fitting in" She smiled at me.

"Yeah" I said almost to myself.

Fitting in in a nut house, go me.

"I heard your sister came to visit. Is that true?" She asked.

"Yes it is" I replied.

"And how was that?" She questioned.

"It was okay I guess, we spoke about some things" I said.

"It's good that you two are getting along" She smiled.

"It sure is" I smiled back.

"How are you feeling?" She says out of the blue.

"I-I don't know. Numb, I guess" I stuttered.

"Numb?" She raised her eyebrows.

"It's like I don't feel sad or happy. I don't feel anything" I explained.

"There's something else I need to talk to you about" She adjusted herself on her seat.

"Shoot" I gave her a small smile.

"I was thinking that it's maybe time to prescript you some medication. For your panic attacks and your lack of sleep" She said.

"No. There's no way I'm taking them" I fired.

"Why not?" She asked. "They'll help yo-" I cut her off.

"No they will not help me. They'll do the opposite. I don't need meds I'm fine" I almost yelled.

"I'm fine" I repeated, unsure if I was reassuring her or myself.

"You should try them out. Promise me you'll at least think about it" She stated.

"Mhm" Was all I said.

"Well, it is the end of our session. I will see you tomorrow" She got up from her seat and opened the door.

"Thanks, doc" I said as I left her office.

•

authors note:

thank you for reading. i hope you have enjoyed. i love you ❤️